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Anger is a natural human emotion.  “Is my anger working for me?” is a question you can ask yourself.  When anger is mild and infrequent,  is expressed assertively (directly to the problem person, in a non-accusatory manner) and without aggression, and the individual is able to “let it go” quickly, then anger may serve the role of simply highlighting your annoyance and it can lead to problem resolution.

anger management Wantaghanger management Wantagh

However, if your anger is moderate to intense, experienced frequently, endures to the point where you are holding a grudge and are planning to get even, and is expressed in aggressive verbal and physical actions, then there is cause for alarm. You are likely at risk for the negative relationship, health and sometimes legal repercussions related to inappropriate anger expression.  Professional help is indicated.

A by-product of an unacceptably angry person is low self-esteem and often shame.
Anger management programs work to address managing anger as well as building self-confidence.  Recently there have been six large-scale analyses of adult anger management programs that show this!  If you,  a loved one or colleague has a serious anger problem and wishes to gain control over the emotion, I invite you Contact me for a 15-minute consult: 516 623 4353   www.balanceandpower.com 

My sessions are in Uniondale, NY, Skype and on your site.

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist by NAMA (National Anger Management Association), life-career coach and EFT practitioner.

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“EFT shines among all the Anger Management Techniques available to the public. It is clearly the most useful in that it provides both rapid relief and long term benefits. Once you have learned the EFT process, you can apply it at the onset of an anger episode and, in most cases, it will rapidly “bring you down” within minutes. This is an astonishing experience for those with intense rage issues.”

~Gary Craig

I have found this to be astonishingly true for my clients.  Each of them are astonished too.

Find out more about EFT and about Anger Management on my website http://www.balanceandpower.com

and call me for a FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353

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Kerry Flynn Moeykens, my Co-Author in the collaborative collection
CONTAGIOUS OPTIMISM! www.contagiousoptimism.net (publisher Viva Editions) has “hit the nail on the head” re the commonality between bullies and victims: shame and low self-esteem. We hope this helps break the chain!! She sent me her short piece below that I’m happy to share:
 

 Something Happened at School

Billy came home from school one day

He was feeling very sad

His mom asked if he was ok

He said he didn’t feel that bad

 

By the time his dad got home

He was in a better mood

And by the time dinner rolled around

He was ready for some food

 

The dinner conversation was the usual

“How was your day, dear?”

But Billy sat in silence

Didn’t think they’d want to hear

 

He didn’t have the nerve to say

“Hey, things aren’t go so well.

There’s a couple kids who are mean to me.”

No, not him, he wasn’t gonna tell

 

About those thoughts “You’re a loser”

It really would hurt their pride

If they knew for just one moment

How he really felt inside

 

His grades are slipping

He did it to himself

The coach won’t let him play this season

He can leave his cleats up on the shelf

 

There’s a girl he likes, Mary

He thinks she’s smart and cool

His friends don’t like her, not at all

They call her names like “Tool”

 

He ate his dinner quietly

He barely spoke a word

Then he noticed a voice inside him

And this is what he heard:

 

 

“Bill, don’t be afraid

I need for you to see

The strength you have inside yourself

The person you’re meant to be”

 

He closed his eyes

his head was reeling

and without thought his breath gave life

to all the hurt he was feeling

 

The way they’d been threatening him

If he ever thought of telling

The way they followed him around

And the things he saw them selling

 

His parents listened closely

So they could understand

And then they worked together

To come up with a plan

 

All his friends knew his grades were bad

His parents weren’t thrilled

he needed a reason for them to go to school

And his grades fit the bill

 

Billy went to bed that night

He finally got some rest

He didn’t feel the weight of worry

He got his secrets off his chest

 

Billy’s classes went by quickly

And he was almost having fun

That is, until he noticed

Those boys had disappeared one-by-one

 

By lunchtime everybody knew

That someone must have told

And as that thought crossed Billy’s mind

A chill made him run cold

 

They know it’s me

They know I’m to blame

And all of the pride he built up inside

Felt more and more like shame

 

But there was that voice again

And it shouted louder and louder:

“You stood up and did the right thing

No one could be prouder”

 

The voice had given him courage

It made him feel strong

He knew he had made the right choice

It was those boys who were wrong

 

Billy pretended to be fascinated with his lunch

Which was usually quite dull

He looked up at one point

When the conversation lulled

 

Across from him stood Mary

Still with tray in hand

She asked Billy if she could sit with him

And he said, “Unless you’d rather stand.”

 

His friends just stared at Billy

he quickly said, “I mean, sure, have a seat.”

Then the whole group laughed

Billy’s heart skipped a beat

 

Billy didn’t think himself a hero

But to many he would have been

His school was a safer place that day

And all because of him

 

http://balanceandpower.com/schoolprograms.php  You may contact me for a FREE telephone consult.

Strategies for Conflict Resolution/Intervention and Bullying Prevention

bullying prevention Long Island

  • Applications: Professional to professional, in the workplace, as well as educational facilities. Professional to student; and student to student. Strategies are based on psycho-educational models.

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People notice their anger levels lowering when feelings of empowerment and self esteem rise.   It feels great knowing you are “in charge” of your response; the opposite of feeling “overwhelmed” or highly stressed, which contributes to high levels of frustration and can easily lead to anger. Anger is a natural human emotion – we all get angry- and that’s okay- it’s about coping with it before it becomes inappropriate. Learning to how to be more flexible in how we deal with the frustrations and stresses of our lives has many advantages. Stress and anger are not good to our immune system and can cause conditions and disease. Effective relationships are based on good communication without inappropriate anger coming through; a feeling of empowerment from the communicator is necessary for that to occur. 

We’ve all heard people say “My friends tell me I am just too hard on myself”, ”I’m such a loser”, or “I’m so stupid to make these mistakes.” This negative self-talk can and needs to be turned around to eradicate feelings of shame, which may stem from childhood- perhaps a parent, teacher or peers saying these negative statements. An important tool in dealing with angry feelings and growing feelings of empowerment is that of eliminating that negative conversation with yourself. An alternate response when someone “puts you down” is not to take it personally – difficult to do and very attainable. It takes conscious effort and practice. Don Miguel Ruiz discusses this strategy in his self-help book “The Four Agreements”.
Holding a grudge, against another or yourself, is letting the offender (or your “dark side”) live rent free in your head. Making the decision to “let go” (while still creating a protective shield/filter for ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control, increased self-esteem and empowerment.

Related blog: A Success Formula that Works

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Knowing, understanding and being able to apply strategies to help manage and prevent destructive anger is necessary in today’s world which can be extremely stress inducing.  Anger is a completely natural response to the frustrations of life, with many of these frustrations being out of our control. (The definition of “stressed” is feeling out of control and overwhelmed.)  Sometimes when we feel anger, it is coming from a deep place that demands acknowledgement and expression.  At these times, it is important that we find healthy ways to honor our anger, knowing how dangerous it can be to repress it.  Depression, the other end of the expressive spectrum is (usually) repressed-internalized anger.  However, anger can become a habit- our go- to emotion when things or people become difficult.  Here are some strategies to help manage and prevent anger.

 

 Recognize, Release & Manage Stress

Internal or external stressors often takes us from feeling peaceful to experiencing uncomfortable angry feelings in many common life situations. Before your stress response turns into anger or aggression, use stress management strategies  to help with anger management strategies.  The higher one’s stress level, the easier it is to allow our anger to get out of control. Learning stress management techniques gives us an effective way to reduce the physical, behavioral, and emotional problems caused by too much stress.

Develop Empathy
Our ability to know how we are feeling as well as our ability to accurately sense the feelings of those around us help us make positive connections with others. This characteristic is often called “empathy.”

To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another. Lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of other people’s behavior and our lack of empathy toward them or their situation.  Examples are a lack of awareness in public, often a sign of not being emotionally or socially alert. Or perhaps a situation in which you  tried to express your feelings  backfired in some way…

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Respond Instead of React
Many times we become angry because we find people and situations that literally “push our buttons”, and we react automatically.  Rather than reacting to anger triggers in this fashion, you can learn to choose how to deal with frustrating situations—to respond rather than automatically react.  Patterns can be changed!

Change That Conversation With Yourself
Learning to change negative “self-talk” empowers you to deal with anger more effectively in terms of how strongly you feel the anger, how long you hold onto your anger, and how you express your anger.

Communicate Assertively
. Assertive communication is a set of skills to honestly and effectively communicate how you feel and how you are responding to things without getting angry or hostile about it. Good communication skills are an essential ingredient to anger management because poor communication causes untold emotional hurt, misunderstandings, and conflict. Words are powerful, but the message we convey to others is even more powerful and often determines how people respond to us and how we feel toward them.

Examine Expectations
Anger and stress can often be caused when our expectations are too far apart from what is realistic to achieve. In other words, anger is often triggered by a discrepancy between what we expect and what we get.

Learning to adjust those expectations—sometimes upward and other times downward—can help us cope with difficult situations or people, or even cope with ourselves.

Acceptance & Forgiveness: Let it go…

Anger is often the result of grievances we hold toward other people or situations, usually because of our perception and feeling of having been wronged by them in some way. Resentment is a form of anger that does more damage to the holder than the offender

Leave, Think & Return!
We are pretty much incapable of resolving conflicts or thinking rationally  when our stress level reaches a certain point. It is often best to take a temporary “time-out”— leave to avoid losing control either physically or verbally. This strategy of anger management works much better if (a) you commit to return within a reasonable amount of time to work things out, and (b) you work on your” positive self-talk” while trying to cool down.

FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353 www.balanceandpower.com 

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Related Posts:

Blame & Anger Never Work

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ebook-cover-anger-web

Anger is a natural human emotion.  “Is my anger working for me?” is a question you can ask yourself.  When anger is mild and infrequent,  is expressed assertively (directly to the problem person, in a non-accusatory manner) and without aggression, and the individual is able to “let it go” quickly, then  anger may serve the role of simply highlighting your annoyance and it can lead to problem resolution.

anger management Wantagh

However, if your anger is moderate to intense, experienced frequently, endures to the point where you are holding a grudge and are planning to get even, and is expressed in aggressive verbal and physical actions, then there is cause for alarm. You are likely at risk for the negative relationship, health and sometimes legal repercussions related to inappropriate anger expression.  Professional help is indicated. anger management Wantagh

A by-product of an unacceptably angry person is low self-esteem and often shame.
Anger management programs work to address managing anger as well as building self confidence.  Recently There have been six large-scale analyses of adult anger management programs that show this!  If you,  a loved one or colleague has a serious anger problem and wishes to gain control over the emotion, I invite you to search out a program locally or via video skype (I have all venues available with face to face individual and group sessions in Wantagh, Long Island).   Contact l me for a 15 minute phone consult: www.balanceandpower.com 

I am Certified Anger Management Specialist by NAMA (National Anger Management Association).

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