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“The silent treatment” is the most common form of withholding and encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings, including an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.

When you are feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space and get some help…

Take time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.   If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. ~ and can take time.

Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking in safe places.  Praise those you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become.    

FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com  

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact Eileen today for a Free Consultaion.

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There is no reason to let a difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Sometimes we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with.  The behavior/words of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper.  Keeping your cool and staying calm is important, especially if/when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person is not always in your best interest, especially if you live or work together, this can become a source of stress and anxiety. In these situations, it is best to kindly address the problem while not letting their actions or mood affect you. You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them to express your feelings directly, ie: tell the person how their actions/words make you feel (without taking on the role of a victim) and when possible encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is by asking them why they do or say certain things, and perhaps guide them to a shift in perspective.

Often a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen actively and perhaps offer up alternative perspectives.  Try to approach the conversation objectively without being judgmental or defensive. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. When this is impossible to do it’s important to find help and get support.

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact me today for a Free 1:1 Consultation and for interactive workshops-trainings www.balanceandpower.com  516 623 4353

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“Hope Springs” is an important relationship movie, not a “chick flick”.  That’s this gal’s opinion…  The actors take their time through the first half and we get it- the marriage isn’t working and hasn’t worked in many years.  Meryl Streep’s  role is very different from any   I’ve seen her in  previously and she does this part justice.  I don’t want to give away the movie;  I simply am stating that I agree, effective communication is the integral piece of any working relationship.  If yours isn’t going well, then examine the communication (or lack of) and see if it’s about saying what you mean, expressing feelings, or simply relating well (empathetically, sympathetically) to your other.  It may be about stepping outside your “comfort zone” to accomplish this.  It may be about doing things differently or breaking habits.   It’s always helpful to learn about other styles of communication and behavior so you will be able to relate better to each one.  A long term relationship takes a lot of work, believe me, I know! I share a lot about this in my book,  SOAR! with Resilience™  , as well as effective communication strategies.  I  facilitate on site trainings; a popular title is “Eliminate the Frustration From Your Conversation”.  I also coach  individuals and couples in Wantagh, Long Island and via Skype.  

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