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Posts Tagged ‘difficult people’

Dealing with angry people in our society is becoming increasingly challenging. Some days, it seems anger surrounds us at home, in the workplace, on the roadways. It is easy to get caught up in an escalating spiral of angry exchanges which usually upsets everyone and does nothing to improve communication or solve the problem at hand.

Here are eight tips to be taken seriously:

1.  Do not add “fuel to the fire” by responding in kind.

Please remember that in hostile situations, you contribute somewhat to the outcome by your decision to return hostility or not.

2.Take their upset seriously and validate their feelings.

Listen to what they have to say and hear them out; ignoring them or minimizing their feelings will tend to escalate their anger further. There have been untold numbers of workplace violence incidents that could have been averted had supervisors or managers listened with empathy to disgruntled employees rather than responding in an insensitive, or uncaring manner.

3.Never argue with someone when they are intoxicated.

When someone is drinking or intoxicated, this is no time to try to solve relationship or other problems (especially if you too have had a few drinks). A high percentage of angry confrontations as well spousal abusr, emotionally-verbally or physically occur when drinking is involved by one or both partners. Drinking often impairs judgment, decreases inhibitions (resulting in saying things we don’t mean), and may distort your reasoning ability.

4.Respond to the feelings they are having- not the content of what they are saying.

Try to hear and respond to the underlying hurt or pain the person is experiencing underneath the angry words. Use statements such as “I can appreciate why you feel that way,” “It sounds like you are very angry right now,” “Many people feel the way you do.”

5.On roadway,  ignore aggressive drivers and stay out of their way.  Do not make eye contact; this is the secret signal in the animal world to engage in combat and will frequently escalate things, sometimes into “road rage.”

6.Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.

You may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation if you try to block their way…  Don’t insist on solving the problem “now” when the other person is in an agitated state.

7.Don’t defend yourself by attacking back at them or their character flaws.

One of the predictors of divorce is being defensive, according to recent marital research. There is a time to present your side, but not when your partner is unable to hear it due to his or her anger.

8.Don’t try to solve an emotional issue with logical arguments.

This usually makes the situation worse.

 

FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353

Eileen Lichtenstein, MS. Ed. and CEO www.balanceandpower.com  is a Certified Anger Management Specialist

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There is no reason to let a difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Sometimes we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with.  The behavior/words of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper.  Keeping your cool and staying calm is important, especially if/when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person is not always in your best interest, especially if you live or work together, this can become a source of stress and anxiety. In these situations, it is best to kindly address the problem while not letting their actions or mood affect you. You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them to express your feelings directly, ie: tell the person how their actions/words make you feel (without taking on the role of a victim) and when possible encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is by asking them why they do or say certain things, and perhaps guide them to a shift in perspective.

Often a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen actively and perhaps offer up alternative perspectives.  Try to approach the conversation objectively without being judgmental or defensive. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. When this is impossible to do it’s important to find help and get support.

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact me today for a Free 1:1 Consultation and for interactive workshops-trainings www.balanceandpower.com  516 623 4353

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We all know them in business, personal and family relationships.  First, go inward and understand that you are fault-free. Here are a few tips that will make dealing and interacting with the difficult easier:

1. Ask  yourself, “How important is this person to me at this moment?” Being careful not to devalue them, certain people have greater or lesser significance in our lives. If the party in question does not hold great regard in your life, are you willing to simply let the issue slide and walk away?

2. How important is this issue? Will it matter ten years from now? If not, let it go. It is not worth  your time and effort.

3. Can you accept the person as they are?  If you do, you must be at peace with him/her so as not to become resentful and angry later on.

4. Can I change my perception of this person? A less judgmental observation allows  interaction in a less critical manner.

ie: Perhaps change “controlling” to very insecure”.

5. If the party is an important part of your  life set boundaries and guidelines your relationship.

6. Establish a common ground with them, identify something you both have in common. By doing so, this allows both parties to feel a certain connection and increases the levels of understanding and trust.

7. Build trust. Showing genuine interest and concern in them eases their anxieties and fears, allowing them to feel more comfortable in your presence. Once achieved, they will most likely become more cooperative with you.

8. Bring out the best in them. Avoid allowing their bad behavior to influence how you behave. Find some goodness and focus on that.

9. Remember to be fair and open-minded to what they say, believe, and do. Refrain from criticism and judgments, be understanding and compassionate instead.

10. Some of our greatest gifts in life have been the most difficult people who cross our paths. View them as an important teacher who is enabling you to learn and grow. 

We always have a choice to release the person from our lives or to “work” at the relationship. Choose wisely; often it’s irrevocable.

Need help with this? Contact me for a FREE 20 minute telephone consult/strategy session  516 623 4353

 

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