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Posts Tagged ‘communication’

The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life, and can give gives you a sense of empowerment.  How to do it most effectively?

study in the Journal of Consumer Research by Professor Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt found that saying “I don’t” as opposed to “I can’t” allowed participants to extract themselves from unwanted commitments.  While “I can’t” sounds like an excuse that’s up for debate, “I don’t” implies you’ve established certain rules for yourself, suggesting conviction and stability and are more effective in getting your point across.

There are a few other ways you can get more comfortable with saying no.

It’s a lot easier to be assertive with a stranger selling you something than it is when, say, your pleading co-worker asks for a ride to the airport. Get comfortable with your assertiveness when it’s easy so you’ll be prepared when there’s more pressure.

 It’s easier to say no when you know exactly how to say it, so come up with a few anchor phrases for different situations. “No, I don’t buy from solicitors” for door-to-door salespeople, for example. “No, I don’t go out during the week” for co-workers who want to go on a drinking binge on a Monday night.

When you have these phrases ready, you don’t have to waste time wavering over an excuse. And you start to develop a reflexive behavior of saying no.

Still, sometimes we’re afraid to say no because we fear missing out. We want to take on new opportunities and adventures, so we say yes to everything instead.  But all of those yeses can lead to burnout.

It can help to understand your own long-term goals This way, you can say yes to opportunities that most reflect your values. Second, try to build free time in your schedule so there’s room for new, interesting opportunities you might otherwise overlook.

Some worry that your no might seem threatening.  Research from Columbia University found that our perceptions of our own assertiveness are often unreliable. In mock negotiations, people who thought they were adequately assertive or even over-assertive were seen by others as under-assertive. So if you feel confrontational, there’s a good chance the other party doesn’t see you that way. It’s about operating at the most optimal level.  For most of us, that means living a happier and less stressful life, which is easier to do from the driver’s seat.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others’ respect.  
Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills.  Do you need help learning assertive behavior and communication? 
FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353  one to one, group sessions in Westbury, NY. and Skype
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The one most important piece of advice I have to give is this: Do not take something negative that someone says personally- it may be true – or perhaps it is simply the individual’s distorted perception. We are each quite capable of creative interpretations – of cognitive distortions. You may be asking- what exactly is that?? Cognitive distortions are exaggerated and irrational thoughts that can hold us back from our true potential. There are many recognized cognitive distortions that are helpful to be familiar with – so you can turn yourself around and also recognize when others are on that path. This is helpful in ‘not taking things personally,’ and puts you in the position to share your recognition of that with the one experiencing it.

Here they are:

1. All or Nothing Thinking: You see things in extreme, ‘black or white’ categories. If your performance falls short of 100% you see yourself as a total failure. Any mistake or imperfection is feared as being a loser! Example: Actor who considers a performance a disaster because of one critic.

2. Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Example: You go for a job interview and don’t get the offer- you fear lifelong unemployment. Pain of rejection can easily lead to over generalization.

3. Mental Filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, thus perceiving the whole situation as negative. Example: Student dwells on questions he missed even if he got a 90!

4. Disqualifying the Positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they ‘don’t count’ for some reason or another. In this way, you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your every day experiences. Example: You get a compliment- you turn around and say the person giving it isn’t sincere.

5. Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even without definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

a. Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. Example: You leave a message for someone who doesn’t return your call. You assume they don’t like you.

b. Fortune Teller: Anticipation that things will turn out badly, and feeling convinced that the prediction is an already established fact. When you do this, you plan to fail. The opposite of this is positive attitude, seeing the glass at least ‘half full’.

6. Magnification or Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your ‘goofup’ or someone else’s achievement) or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or another’s imperfections). This is called the ‘binocular trick’. Examplemissing a question in medical school and thinking that you shouldn’t be a doctor!

7. Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect reality: ‘I feel it, therefore it must be true.’

8. ‘Should ‘ Statement: You try to motivate yourself with should and ‘shouldn’t as if you had to be punished before you could be expected to do anything. The same with ‘must’ and ‘ought’. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct. ‘should’ statements towards others you feel anger, resentment, frustration. Example: I should fill out my progress sheet for class vs. I want to fill out my progress sheet for class.

9. Labeling and Mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing an error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him/her: “He’s an idiot.” Mislabeling describes an event or person in ways that are emotionally loaded.

10. Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some external negative event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.

11. What If’s: You can become extremely anxious over the possibilities of what might happen of which you can’t control. We need to work on things we can do something about and not become a prisoner of what we cannot control.

FREE 20 minutes phone consult: 516 623 4353     www.balanceandpower.com Image (155) (1)

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How to Heal the Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Bodies Naturally

When: Thursdays, 4 Nights: April 7th through May 5th, 2016

[No class on 4/28/16] 7:30 PM-9:00 PMWhere: Weber Middle School, 52 Campus Dr, Port Washington, NY 11050

 A very talented holistic network presents the following fascinating and important holistic health topics:

Healing suppressed wounds through Inner Child Work and Past Life Regression, How to Lift Mood with Food, Anger Management and It’s Ability to Improve Health, Emotional Freedom Technique, with a special emphasis on Weight Loss, Detoxing Naturally and Safely, Alleviating Seasonal Allergies with Homeopathy, Dream Therapy, Somatic Therapy for Deep and Profound Healing, the Importance of Whole Food Nutrition for the Brain and Body, How to Determine What Your Life’s Purpose is, and more!!

Eileen Lichtenstein on April 7th:
Anger Management and Communication Styles
Certified Anger Management Specialist, CEO, Balance & Power, Inc. www.balanceandpower.com/events.php 

  • Enhance all aspects of stress and anger management
  • Communicate more effectively
  • Be happier
  • The best predictor of a positive outcome is your willingness and intention to change patterns.

Explore strategies to release anger, reduce stress and deal effectively with others. Anger and communication issues are highly affected by stress levels. Being happier is a wonderful by-product of communicating effectively!

Learn about distinctions among communication styles and behavior so that you can communicate more effectively at work and at home, be listened to, and respected. Learn how not to “take things personally” and reduce stress / frustration! Stress release techniques to help you cope with “difficult” people are included in this interactive workshop.

Your communication, anger and stress impacts your relationships, health, work life and financial situation. Inner strength and being centered are keys to life and business success, and Eileen Lichtenstein has specialized for over 20 years in personal development coaching and training, including stress and anger reduction/ management, relationship and leadership building, sensitivity training, communicating effectively and career issues.

 a very talented holistic network presents the following fascinating and important holistic health topics.

Healing suppressed wounds through Inner Child Work and Past Life Regression, How to Lift Mood with Food, Anger Management and It’s Ability to Improve Health, Emotional Freedom Technique, with a special emphasis on Weight Loss, Detoxing Naturally and Safely, Alleviating Seasonal Allergies with Homeopathy, Dream Therapy, Somatic Therapy for Deep and Profound Healing, the Importance of Whole Food Nutrition for the Brain and Body, How to Determine What Your Life’s Purpose is, and more!!

This is a Port Washington Adult Ed course, Only 60 dollars for all 4 nights!

Register Now: Click on the link, then click on Adult Enrichment, then on Health and Wellness.
https://portwashington.revtrak.net

Please contact caroleitner1@gmail.com if you need any help with registration.

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While it is important that we think before speaking, it’s important not to try to please everyone, which may cause us to hide or otherwise distort those ideas that will likely prove valuable. We may feel uncomfortable speaking our minds in this way because we believe that our quick-to-appear initial thoughts are yet unformed and can only be improved by careful consideration. In discounting them, however, we do ourselves a disservice.

Give yourself the freedom – permission to speak your mind (within assertive guidelines) without being a people pleaser!  Trusting initial thoughts and speaking your truth without too much refinement or rearranged words is often the best choice.

There may be a fine line between thinking before speaking and being overly self-critical in analyzing thoughts into words.  Give yourself credit for good communicative skills and intelligence!  Always keep “in mind” and “be aware” of the general distinctions among assertive, passive and aggressive communication-behavior styles for your best communication!

Assertive

  • Honest
  • Expressive
  • Use of “I” statements
  • Confrontation is OK
  • Compromise

Passive

  • Avoids conflict
  • Laid back
  • Taken advantage of
  • Indecisive
  • People Pleaser

Aggressive

  • Dominate
  • Manipulate
  • Goes beyond personal boundaries
  • Takes a stand at the expense of others

You may call me for a 20 minute FREE PHONE CONSULT: 516 623 4353 or fill out the contact form:   Image (155) (1)

www.balanceandpower.com 

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When: Wednesday, February 25, 2015 – 8:00 PM (EST)
PRICE: FREE

Eileen Lichtenstein, MS. Ed. has specialized for 20 years in personal development coaching and training, including stress reduction management, communicating effectively and career issues. She helps women and men to access the power already within.  She is a certified Anger management Specialist.

Register Here Free

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Anger Management Group: 2 Hour Session in Westbury, Long Island
(*Accepted by Courts)

anger management Wantagh
When:
Saturday, March 7, 2015  Time: 10am – 12pm
Sunday, March 29, 2015  Time: 2pm – 4pm
Location: 433 Maple Avenue, Westbury, New York 11590
Cost: $70
Register with Paypal www.balanceandpower.com/events.php  or to eileen@balanceandpower.com 

Credit Cards accepted via telephone.

  • Enhance all aspects of stress and anger management
  • Communicate more effectively
  • Be happier

Explore strategies to release anger, reduce stress and deal effectively with others. Anger and communication issues are highly affected by stress levels.

The best predictor of a positive outcome is your willingness to honestly examine and admit the consequences of your problem and actions and have the intention to change patterns. Your anger and stress impacts your relationships, health, work life and financial situation.

Questions? Contact Eileen Now for a Complimentary Telephone Consult
 516 623 4353
eileen@balanceandpower.com

Register Now: with Paypal

Mar 7: Cost: $70
March 29: Cost: $70

*Credit Cards accepted via telephone. 516 623 4353

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Here’s a bit of self promotion :)-

You may CALL for a FREE CONSULT  516 623 4353  WWW.BALANCEANDPOWER.COM 

Testimonials:  What people are saying about Eileen Lichtenstein

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

“Dear Eileen, We wanted to thank you for sharing your knowledge with our chapter of The Holistic Moms network. Not only was your presentation enlightening and informative for our members, but it was also fun! You allowed the space for us to connect to one another while delving into our own hearts. Thank you for giving us direction and teaching us a practical way to incorporate EFT into our lives as busy mothers! The impact of what you do is far reaching. When peace occurs in our homes, it branches out into our community and beyond. With much gratitude!”
Ali, Robyn and the Nassau South Shore Holistic Moms Network

Thank you for your presentation today “EFT 4 ADD”, it was wonderful.  I really enjoyed learning from you.
Patricia A. Craig, Esq.

“Eileen did a wonderful job helping me at a critical time, especially overcoming fear of flying
– extremely useful on my long, long trips between NY and NZ! Her expertise is broad and deep. Check out her book!”
– Connie Atkinson author award winning novel, “The Brotherhood of Purity”, public health educator and Co-owner and grower for a 4000+ tree orchard in New Zealand

“I would like to highly recommend Eileen Lichtenstein and her work with Emotional Freedom Technique. I have experienced her work in her workshop in a group, and privately. During both experiences I found Eileen to be highly-skilled and deeply empathetic.

Eileen was excellent at explaining this simple, yet profound healing technique that often has immediate results. And also importantly, Eileen was highly skilled at guiding us through our EFT healing processes. Her verbiage revealed her years of professional and eclectic experience in the field of holistic health.”
– Carol Leitner, MBA, Mount Sinai School of Medicine, Baruch College / Marketer Holistic Doctors and Practitioners, Health Expo and Events Planner / Certified Kripalu Yoga Instructor, Chair Yoga, Thai Yoga Bodyworker

“Thank you so much for the EFT sessions – they genuinely changed my life! The snooze button no longer rules my mornings, and the afternoon “witching hour” has been made much more pleasant thanks to the techniques you taught me. And I’m no longer bringing bad feelings and frustrations about work into my home life. I highly recommend EFT to anyone who might be interested – anyone can benefit from it! Thanks again!”
– Julie Cohen, Work @ Home Corp. Exec., Mom/Student. Oceanside, NY

From Dr. Bruce Kesten:

Eileen, I admire your energy and style! We all enjoyed your presentation very much and I have shared the EFT technique with a few of my clients. Thank you so much for your generosity in presenting the Emotional Freedom Technique . I was happy that we got to have our meeting in your conference room at such a great location for most of the Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society Long Island members”.
– Deborah Ross, LCSW, CASAC, CGP

“Thank you Eileen! You were wonderful. I enjoyed learning from you…the best I have felt in days and still do tonight; thanks for putting on the event!”
– Jara T. Weiss, RN, www.moongoddessadventures.com 

“After just one session with you, I have to say that you are a very special being with a wonderful energy and spirit. After our session, I recalled the importance of learning (not to mention “hanging out” or networking) with an upbeat, enthusiastic, and fun coach/teacher. And that’s you! Your attitude makes a huge difference in confidence, motivation, and my attitude about the subject of EFT.”
– Ron Haugen, CEO Proficiency Training Programs

“I’d been doing some self-study on EFT and was getting some reasonable results but after one short session with Eileen, I not only discovered what I was missing with regards to tapping, I immediately felt better…I felt like there was real progress. Eileen not only is an experienced tapping coach, it’s abundantly clear that she truly cares about the people she works with.
Got an issue? (and who doesn’t??) I urge you to engage Eileen as your coach. She’s easy to work with and gets results.
– Jeff Goldberg, Jeff Goldberg & Associates

“After a few personal coaching-EFT sessions with Eileen via video Skype addressing my ‘snake’ phobia I am well on my way to living without fear!? And now… saw a snake when starting to walk through the grass and did not freak out!? Said to my friend, let’s go another way, turned and walked the other way and had NONE of the fear, angst, anxiety that I’ve had previously!” – Inez Bracy, Transformation Coach, Florida

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Workshops:

“Thank you for your lecture on Reverse Procrastination with EFT. It brought out and large crowd of enthusiastic people who listened with great interest and began the tapping technique immediately. The Emotional Freedom Technique was new to many of us, yet it was easy to learn and to practice. Your presentation was interesting and upbeat and held our interest. I hope you will consider presenting at the Long Beach Public Library again.”
-Edie Kalickstein, Programmer

“Thank you for your wonderful presentation last Friday. Wonderful insight and demonstration!Enjoyed it very much!”
– Marcia McCarroll, LMSW

“I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for yet another fantastic program. “Dealing With Difficult People” was well-received by attendees. Your PowerPoint presentation was especially impressive and I’m sure the pearls of wisdom provided to our patrons will have positive effects on their lives.”
– SR, Hempstead Public Library Program Coordinator

Eileen is an inspiration to me. She is always finding and implementing the best, most up to date ways to reach out to and serve her client base.”
– Alison Gilbert, owner, MARKETING BYTES Business Marketing Solutions
www.MarketingBytes.biz

“Eileen, On behalf of the Graduate School, I would like to thank you for the participation in this winter’s “Time Management and Stress Reduction” Colloquium. It was a tremendous success and we had an overwhelming positive response. Your commitment and involvement with graduate education programs such as our Graduate Student Advocate Colloquium contributes to the continued success of our Graduate Student community. Thank you once again for playing a valuable role by sharing your time and expertise at this semester’s event.”
– Lawrence B. Martin, Dean of the Graduate School
Stony Brook State University of New York

“Thank you for the compassionate guidance and assisstance you gave me during our sessions last year. You gave me invaluable tools that I will use my whole life. I have recommended your services to others as well. I hope your life work and business continues to grow and prosper! God Bless.”
With Gratitude, – Cathy Palermo

“I want to thank you so very much for helping me in my quest to speak and give presentations in public. I saw a remarkable difference at my first presentation using the EFT, I was very calm and relaxed, there was no anxiety. I have since been using this technique before stressful situations with increasingly positive results, i.e I feel more confident and sure of myself… I am still a long way off from my goal but each situation represents practice which in turn will become perfect.”
With Much gratitude,
– Hannah Park Lusterman, SOC Appreciation Marketing, www.thereferralspecialist.com 

Eileen, I just wanted to let you know….
“The social media event that I did today was a huge success!!! We had over 100 people in attendance and not only was I extremely comfortable, I was able to deliver a clear and concise message that was educational and inspired people. Thank you again for your help… I really do appreciate it.”
– Bill McCartney, Fear of Speaking EFT Video

“I’ve known Eileen for several years through networking venues in Long Island. She is always positive, encouraging and supportive, a great “go-to” professional with any life-career challenges.
– Sheldon “SHELLY” Raskin, SOLAVEI
Success Coaching:

“Eileen, thank you for helping me see the world through my creative lens again. My life had become blurry due to the many challenges and responsibilities I was facing… I’m finally able to connect the dots and to express myself clearly. I can access my true self and reframe my challenges into positive possibilities”.
– RH, Special Educator

Eileen’s wisdom and expertise are amazing. She helps
people deal with their fears, anxieties and insecurities, and
guides them toward the success and happiness they long for.

– Barbora Knobova PhD, Author and Speaker

I appreciate all that you have done for me since knowing you this past year as my life-career coach. People like you are hard to come by, who truly care and take a sincere interest in a person’s well-being.
– Jeanette Mazzilli

“Eileen is my colleague from Motivational Whisperers, and she was also a featured guest on my radio show. Eileen’s wisdom and expertise are amazing. She helps people deal with their fears, anxieties and insecurities, and guides them toward the success and happiness they long for.What I personally appreciate about Eileen is her kindness, open-mindedness and sense of humor. She is creative, loving, understanding and patient. No matter what kind of “demons” you’re currently struggling with in your personal or professional life, Eileen is the one that will help you move forward effortlessly and painlessly.”
– Barbora Knobova PhD, Author and Speaker

“I’ve had the pleasure to work with Eileen Lichtenstein, CEO of Balance and Power, Inc. during the last year. Eileen’s dedication to her craft and the numerous individuals, businesses, and not-for-profits she has assisted locally and across the globe is apparent in her workshops, seminars and individual counseling. Her professionalism and expertise and the ability to share the skills that have brought her personal success, has helped the people she works with achieve a higher level of success, prosperity, and balance in their own lives. I recommend her highly to anyone who needs assistance in accomplishing their personal and business goals.”
– Karen Bonnet, KLB Services/Public Relations & Marketing (Long Island, NY)

“Eileen is one of the most dedicated Career Coaches I work with. She will go the extra mile for her clients. Everyone loves her!”
– Dawn Abraham
www.qualified-lifecoach.com

“Eileen gave an excellent, meaningful presentation today to the LI/NYC Area Young Widow/ers group I run. I receive only positive feedback from the many attendees who benefited from hearing what she offered on how to empower ourselves, despite the stresses life throws at us. I was impressed by her professional delivery that was both personable and insightful. She should be proud of the positive impact she clearly is making on so many people’s lives.”
– Ilene Schuss
LI/NYC Area Young Widow/ers

“Eileen Lichtenstein is a passionate and vital coach who works with both body and mind to create the balance and power of being who you are meant to be. In her capacity as workshop facilitator she brought great inspiration and ideas to the group, and as a colleague working in the same field with midlife women, Eileen also brings her considerable experience to bear on any groups she participates in. If you are looking for a coach, Eileen is an excellent choice.”
– Jacqueline Wales
CEO and Founder of Fearless Fifties

“Eileen is truly an amazing life coach. She is great to work with. If you are looking to reach goals that you think are almost impossible to attain, whether career or personal, visit with or call Eileen… She will get you there…and quickly!”
– Susan Brozinsky

“I want to let you know, Eileen, that since our sessions I’ve really been able to relax and approach life with a positive outlook. Thank you!’
– Steven Edelstein, Franchise Owner & Entrepreneur
The Island Financial Group

“I have worked with Eileen for over a year. She helps me stay focus on my action plan. And, she gives me great feedback on my business ideas. In addition, she introduced me to several contacts that can help move my business to a higher level. It has been fun working with Eileen and I look forward to continue doing so.”
– Laticia Howard, Christian’s Inspiration, Inc.

Stress and Anger Management:

Eileen has helped me through the darkest moments of my life; her support was unbelievable. I would not have been able to get through my divorce and family being torn apart without her help. When I was totally lost she guided me through the road map back to my life. I could never thank her enough”.
– JD, PSEG Employee

“Working with Eileen has been tremendously helpful for dealing with stress and given me tools to overcome my fears and come to terms with making the best of what I can accomplish and letting the rest of it be. Thank you thank you so much!!”
– Pamela Higgins,
Certified Health Coach

I really enjoyed your presentation last night. It could not have come at a better time. I’ve been very, very busy, feeling over-committed and stressed… I’m taking to heart your suggestion to find and maintain the balance. This weekend with work stuff piling up, chores that have to be done and then that absolutely gorgeous weekend of weather on tap, I’m going to start with a quiet meditation tomorrow morning and really be present to the choices I make, be mindful of them, be calm and concentrate on being in balance with whatever I’m doing. Thank you for the reminder, not only about how important it is to do that, and to actually take action and make it happen.”
– AH., Melville, NY

“Eileen Lichtenstein’s audio CD has helped me so much with my migraines. In only one week of listening and doing the relaxation exercises I have not gotten any headaches or migraines.”
– NZ, Anger Management Client

“My coaching sessions with Eileen for stress and anger management have inspired me to walk through my life with a higher level of consciousness, to observe all things and situations without jumping in, having a strong reaction and becoming agitated.”
– Anora S. Office Manager to Healthcare Administrator

“I believe we all went away with some useful tips on balancing our lives and reducing our stress levels.” – JB, VP Credit and Loan Administration, The Suffolk County National Bank

Moving Meditation Audio Series:

“I like the professional sound of the audio and music mix. Though I’ve done yoga, I never had a guided moving meditation before, and it’s nice to breathe into the movements.”
– Krista G.

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Life throws many curved balls – meant to be intercepted . I’ve been hearing the term often lately, from clients and background summer sounds of TV baseball announcers…

Successful interception of life’s curve balls takes clear vision, focus, intention and correct action. When curved balls are directed at you (or it simply feels that way) you may need extra help-guidance and new strategies to go in a different direction, become unstuck, release tension, let go of past mistakes and foster forgiveness (to yourself as well as others), sometimes within a short timeline. EFT Emotional Freedom Technique is a forerunner in this field and when combined with Stress Management – a homerun!

I am facilitating two workshops /beginner trainings for EFT (Healthcare Professionals & Educators welcome!) in Nassau and Suffolk Counties: Westbury 10/18 my office and My New Spalon At Beach Club Estate, Lake Ronkonkoma. www.mynewspalon.com 10/19.

Details, register for all Events and receive FREE eBook:
Gain Clarity & Confidence with EFT

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1:1 Peak Performance Success Coaching for life-career via video skype, in my Long Island offices and on site group trainings/presentations stress and anger management,
effective communication, Bullying Prevention and related topics.

http://www.balanceandpower.com 516 623 4353

FREE phone consult: 516 623 435

Keep Soaring!

Eileen

Eileen Lichtenstein, MS. Ed. Peak PerformanceSuccess Coach / Trainer and Professional Speaker, Stress Management, Anger Management, EFT, “SOAR! with Resilience” Programs & Manual ♦ Garden City & Smithtown, NY, USA http://www.balanceandpower.com 516 623 4353

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