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Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

Be an active listener – while being patient (waiting with a positive attitude) and when what is said by the other has offended you, if you feel is an untruth and/or feel bullied, do not react. If possible, respond calmly without blaming, or walk away.  Easier said than done; especially for highly sensitive people (often an extremely positive quality).  If you need help with effective communication and managing emotions, call me for a free consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 
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“The silent treatment” is the most common form of withholding and encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings, including an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.

When you are feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space and get some help…

Take time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.   If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. ~ and can take time.

Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking in safe places.  Praise those you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become.    

FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com  

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact Eileen today for a Free Consultaion.

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There’s lots of research out there and I do resonate with most of it -based on my personal experiences, professional trainings and working with couples or one of a relationship in trouble.

If you want to stay together below are few of insights and tips that work if you work them- and that may be you are the only one working them – so after some time passage, it may be necessary to reevaluate and reprioritize goals – perhaps while seeing a relationship coach.  Did you know that an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting sick by roughly 35% and even shorten your life by an average of four years.

  • Major differences of opinion don’t destroy marriages, it’s how a couple deals with them.
  • Believing and being OK with you can’t change the other person.
  • Really knowing each other is vital:  Be deeply familiar with each other’s world…and allow your awareness to include your spouse’s world change.
  • When fighting, do your best to avoid using the word you and try to use the word I. This makes it much easier to express feelings and much harder to attack the other person.

Need help with this? FREE phone consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com     Client sessions in Westbury, NY and video Skype.

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John Gottman at the University of Washington has gathered a persuasive body of evidence that meta-emotions are the most important variable in terms of predicting whether or not a marriage will last. Do you believe you should express anger? Or do you believe in holding it in and waiting for it to fizzle out? Do you think happiness should be shared but anger should be suppressed? Sharing your meta-emotional style gives you a common emotional template, a common language.

What does this mean???

Dealing with feelings – anger, sadness, happiness – in similar ways!

Not easy – and the same literature severely puts down online dating as similar interests may be fun – but not necessarily long lasting.

So – if you’re stuck in a relationship or marriage that is no longer working – perhaps it’s time to change things and understand from your partner’s perspective, and perhaps change your m.o. – or not. If you want to give this a go -and/or release anger and learn how to better deal with that –

call me for a free consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com

sicily angels

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People love to be asked open-ended questions that start with “what” or “how”  because it let’s them feel like they’re educating you and it gives them a feeling of being in control. It works on two levels. One, it tends to create a more collaborative environment, which means you’re going to make a better deal. And, two, if the other side is trying to gain control, it lets them drop their guard, so that you can get the upper hand.
Playing dumb is an effective strategy. Keep asking those “how” or “what” questions.

I see couples in my Westbury office, as well as individuals and small groups who really are “trying hard” and..ebook-cover-anger-web

Free Consult: 516 623 4353

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Anger Management Group 3 Hrs
(*Accepted by Courts)

ebook-cover-anger-web
Saturday, May 14  Time: 10am – 1pm
Saturday, June 11  Time: 10am – 1pm
Saturday, July16  Time: 10am – 1pm

3 Hour Anger Management Completion Certificates accepted by the courts will be given if requested. *Pre registration only through noon Thursday before date of group.

Location: 433 Maple Avenue, Westbury, New York 11590

Cost: $150 each [Small groups, Limited seating ]

Register with Paypal   Credit Cards accepted via telephone.

  • Enhance all aspects of stress and anger management
  • Communicate more effectively
  • Be happier

Explore strategies to release anger, reduce stress and deal effectively with others. Anger and communication issues are highly affected by stress levels. 

The best predictor of a positive outcome is your willingness to honestly examine and admit the consequences of your problem and actions and have the intention to change patterns. Your anger and stress impacts your relationships, health, work life and financial situation.

Questions? Contact Eileen Now for a Complimentary Telephone Consult
516 623 4353               eileen@balanceandpower.com

10% discount for Veterans and their families
Register Now: *Credit Cards accepted via telephone. (516) 623-4
**Pre registration only through noon Thursday before date of group.

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ebook-cover-angerForgiveness has been said to be an antidote to anger  in your life because every time you remember the injustice, and you will remember it since forgiving is NOT forgetting, you choose to release the perpetrator from the debt that she/he owes you.  You may read about the Biehl’s amazing journey here:

http://thejourneyofhope.blogspot.ca/2009/03/amy-biehl-and-improbable-tale-of.html

And…The Mayo Clinic Staff reports that researchers are claiming that, in addition to improving your spiritual health, forgiveness may have benefits for your physical health, too.  This is definitely something that warrants our attention!  It is being said that “letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace, and that forgiveness can lead to:

  •  Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Fewer symptoms of depression
  • Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse”

Well, this helps explain the statement I’ve heard and read again and again that if you experience a high level of gratitude you cannot be depressed.  This makes sense since depression is anger suppressed.  Imagine a line with frustration in the middle.  It can go either way- one end is depression(extremely suppressed anger) and the other is a high anger level – often in an inappropriate, aggressive way.

The University of Maryland School of Medicine  is researching the connection between anger and  “unforgiveness”. Anger is a component of unforgiveness and anger is a health risk.  Then is unforgiveness  a health risk  as well? Included in the research are studies with aids patients.  Knowing more about the nature and course of anger expression in the context of unforgiveness will ultimately help define and clarify this area of research.

Now I’ll share a few important points that can be helpful in letting go of anger- something I’ve learned as an Advanced EFTtapping  (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Certified Practitioner in a training I attended and has been reinforced in my trainings to facilitate Anger Management.

  • As the victim, it’s OK to forgive only a small percent.
  • Perhaps the other’s behavior was impacted by a chemical/emotional imbalance
  • *** The other was doing what he/she knew how to do – perhaps learned – no matter.
  • It’s possible that the action was not meant “personally” – it was simply an “M.O.”
  • It’s impossible to change another person’s way of dealing; only your own.

If you or someone you love gets help with managing anger and/or letting it go as a victim, then stress is automatically addressed and therefore health will improve too!

 Balance & Power, Inc. has been addressing stress and anger management issues for two decades, corporately and  in the educational and private sectors, and is now facilitating Workplace Bullying Prevention trainings.

Download: Workplace Bullying Prevention Programs (pdf)

Bullying in the workplace, the schools and at home has reached epidemic proportions – it is our goal to help eliminate these type of situations. I believe inner strength and being centered are keys to optimal productivity and happiness. I’m a Certified Anger Management Specialist accepted by the US courts, a former Biofeedback Practitioner and faculty member Hofstra University. My office is in Westbury, NY, the telephone, Video Skype or on your site.  

When you’re having difficulties with forgiveness or anger, success and career coaching, anger and stress management strategies, & EFT can turn it around!  I’m a certified Anger Management Specialist-1 Fellow accepted by the courts.

Call me for a complimentary consult: 516 623 4353   http://www.balanceandpower.com/anger.php 

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