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Archive for the ‘attitude’ Category

Productive, successful and happy people constantly set goals and work to make them happen. This gives us focus and ensures that we use our time and energy efficiently and effectively. It also provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. We know where we are going and what we want to do. Quite often, however, due to forces outside our control, things do not go as we had planned.  Life and career often calls us to be flexible – even at short notice, to reconsider our plans and priorities, sometimes in the blink of an eye.
The ability to accept what is happening and let go of original expectations is key when dealing with these unexpected turns of fate. We often have the tendency to get stuck in our heads, clinging to an idea of how we think things or relationships should go, and we can have a hard time accepting anything that doesn’t comply with that idea. The fact is that life and business is often unpredictable.Below you’ll find 8 things to do when life  – or business – throws you a curveball:

1.Don’t Overgeneralize. Just because something unexpected has temporarily knocked the wind out of you it doesn’t mean that you’ll never achieve the things that you want, or that you’re doomed to fail and struggle for the rest of your days.

2. Find Perspective. You can’t see the future. Would your life have been perfect or even better if you had gotten the contract?  Not lost the partner?  Maybe; but maybe not. What looks like a huge loss at the present could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t know yet.

3. Practice Acceptance. In his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”  Deepak Chopra explains “The Law of Least Effort”, which is basically the principle of no resistance. One component of this principle is acceptance. You can wish for things to be different in the future, but at this moment in time you have to accept things as they are.

4. Decrease Your Ego’s Involvement.  Even if you feel that you’ve been wronged, you need to stop thinking along the following lines:

§  How dare they do this to me?

§  Don’t they know who I am?

§  They’ll be sorry they did this.

This kind of thinking consumes an enormous amount of energy and doesn’t help you in any way. In “The Art of Dreaming” Don Juan tells Carlos Castaneda the following:

“Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance . . . If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to . . . catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe.”

By refusing to identify with your ego and things personally, you will be able to stop linking your sense of self to what happened.  Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements” is also a firm believer in  “Don’t Take Anything Personally” – The Second Agreement.  This will free up energy that you can then use to create better circumstances for yourself.

5. Meditate. When you’re stressed, fearful, angry, or anxious—which are feelings that often accompany an event that has a negative impact on your life–, your brain’s rhythm increases and brain activity rises. The more stressed you become, the more rapidly your brain waves vibrate. Meditating slows down your brain’s rhythm, which is conducive to a relaxed state of mind which allows you to generate alternatives, see opportunities, and come up with creative solutions. That is, meditating will help put you in a more resourceful state of mind.

6. Shift Your Focus To the Positive. Instead of dwelling on your loss, shift your focus to the good things that are still in your life.  If you have your health and a good head on your shoulders you have a lot to be grateful for. Focus on that.

7. Focus on the Future. The curveball you were thrown probably set your goals off track.  It makes sense to set new career goals for yourself and start moving toward the new destination that you’ve set for yourself.

8. Focus on What You Can Control. One of the reasons why being thrown a curveball is so incredibly painful is because it makes you feel like you have no control over what happens to you. After all, you did everything right. But the “right” results didn’t materialize, in spite of your efforts and there’s little that you can do about it. Therefore, turn your focus to things you can control and possibly new skills or contacts that will help in reaching your new goals. Whenever you feel helpless or victimized because of something that has happened to you, turn your attention to the things that you can change, or the things that you can do. By doing what you can, with what you have, where you are, you’ll gradually begin to feel like you’re back in control of your life.

Being open with goals and yet unattached to outcome can be difficult to achieve.  I have found this to take much practice –and have always been better at it- and anything, while being centered and grounded.  Next time a curveball comes my way, I will take a deep breath and open my mind to a new opportunity! My hope dear reader, is that you will as well!  I help many to get past curved balls and move on.

FREE PHONE CONSULT   516 623 4353        www.balanceandpower.com ebook-cover-stress-web: 516

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The dictionary does not tell us how to accelerate the resilience process, it only defines it:

1.  “springing back into shape, position, etc. after being stretched, bent or compressed.”

2.  “recovering strength, spirits, etc. quickly.”

Being resilient in body, mind and spirit is key  to being happy and successful in all areas of life.  Emotionally, it’s the opposite of being “stuck in a rut” and it’s about being positive.  Physically, it can translate to strength and flexibility. Spiritually it can indicate faith with the ability to maintain hope in tumultuous times.  It’s about staying centered and grounded and making “right” choices.

So, you may be asking yourself, how does one maintain emotional-spiritual equilibrium and resiliency when things can be unpredictable and often in crisis mode? How can we accelerate the resilience process?  It’s not easy, and takes some work. It’s easy to create positive patterns and habits when life is going smoothly.  It can be quite challenging while being swept away by negative forces.  A good mentor/coach and practice is important, and the practice will create a “spill-over” effect into life situations.

Many people, including myself, have learned how to be more resilient.  There are skill sets of meditation, relaxation breathing, visualization and “tapping” (EFT- Emotional Freedom Techniques) that all add into helping an individual maintain focus and be positive. Exercising, eating healthfully and being in healthy relationships are naturally fortifying. Most people are not born resilient, but do have the capacity to learn how to be this way.  Here are a few tips to accelerate the process:
• Think of possibilities from different perspectives.
• Stop talking in absolutes. Eliminate the words nothing and never from self talk.
• Set specific goals that are attainable.
• When you are feeling down due to personal circumstances, take stock of your strengths.
• Lower the stakes, not the standards: Don’t have your whole life riding on the outcome of one event
• Savor small triumphs, steps leading to the bigger picture.
• Set aside self blame and learn from your mistakes.
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Do not read, watch or listen to the news if you become “too upset”.
• Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your feelings.
• Cultivate generosity and gratitude.
You are the only one who can control your attitude. By focusing on what is strong and enduring and seeing your potential, you can take calculated risks and overcome challenges. It takes an open, creative mind free from anxiety to pick up on opportunities. They are out there ready to be accessed by your positive and resilient radar!

Author of “SOAR! with Resilience”, Eileen Lichtenstein, MS.ED.,EFT-ADV is President of www.balanceandpower.com.  She offers complimentary coaching consultations via telephone and Skype and  empowers individuals and groups to facilitate optimal levels of productivity and happiness. Contact Eileen: eileen@balanceandpower.com 516 623 4353

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 To be successful, you need to have a positive mental attitude, or PMA.
We need to continually feed our  mind with positive thoughts to create success.
Creating this sort of attitude could be one of your most important habits that you end up incorporating on a daily basis!  Most successful people have experienced failure and are resilient – pick themselves up and start over or continue.
 When you constantly strive to become a better person, refine your skill set and invest in your future daily, you become more as an individual. When you become more as an individual, your value increases.  The more your value increases, the more successful you will become.  Make PMA your #1 habit!
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Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

  • “What am I grateful for?” Just asking -searching helps; you don’t need answers!
  • Label -name negative emotions. Your brain isn’t so bothered  when you name it.
  • Decide. No perfectionist thinking – good enough usually is!
  • Hugs, hugs, hugs.  Research shows getting five hugs a day for four weeks increases happiness big time.

Everything is interconnected:

  • Gratitude improves sleep.
  • Sleep reduces pain.
  • Reduced pain improves your mood.
  • Improved mood reduces anxiety.
  • Reduced anxiety improves focus and planning.
  • Focus and planning help with decision making.
  • Decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment.
  • Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for!
  • Enjoyment also makes it more likely you’ll exercise and be social, which, in turn, will make you happier.

6 week online course!! Register here!

Need help taking action and creating new patterns? FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 

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P1020142“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”
~ Albert Einstein

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness”
~ Robert Muller

“Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”
~ Margaret Mead

“Gratitude improves your attitude.” -James Taylor

www.balanceandpower.com    

Free Consult 516 623 4353  Skype and Westbury,NY 1:1 sessions

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Don Miguel Ruiz, author “The Four Agreements”

My client is has been having challenges with his 23 year old son, and thought they were over a few humps.  When the young man wasn’t joining Mom and Dad at the dinner table for a meal cooked with love- Dad went upstairs, knocked on the door- and walked in (without waiting for an “OK “ or who is it?”).

He was seated on the floor, crosslegged eating from his plate. Dad, historically known to have a quick temper, simply said (in a “normal” voice, according to him) “you don’t have to eat dinner like that – come down and join us”.  Son screamed out “Stop being angry and yelling Dad”.  Dad left, finding Mom eavesdropping in the hall. They went downstairs and she agreed with son and said he was angry and yelling. They didn’t discuss it further.

Upon relating this to me the next day at our session, Dad was very upset and we explored deeper.  Firstly, no waiting for knock response may have gotten Son angry – even though he may have over reacted.  Dad says he always enters this way…

Several additional issues here:

Dad was extremely upset that he was “accused” of losing his temper, screaming and angry when he didn’t think that he was behaving that way and his voice was within a good range.

How come son “over reacted”?

Mom eavesdropping – over protectiveness is another dynamic.

If all three of them  had gone with “Don’t take anything personally, it would have played out differently.

I then asked Dad client if Son had a history of being bullied or ordered around, given unpleasant directives (not at home)…perhaps triggering his response.  Maybe on the playground 3rd grade or?. . This got Dad thinking about how Son had 2 great semesters at college and then was miserable and had to be picked up.  There seemed to be an issue about his roomates – which he wouldn’t discuss, and wouldn’t allow parents in his room…

No answers – yet a really prime example of things may not be as you perceive them – so it’s best not to take anything personally – and often there may be deep rooted problems impacting current behavior that need to be addressed for optimal resilience and thriving.

FREE phone consult: Eileen Lichtenstein, Certified Anger Management Specialist

516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com

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Saturday August 20 10-1

3 Hour Anger Management Completion Certificates accepted by the courts will be given if requested. Advance Registration only.

Location: 433 Maple Avenue, Westbury, New York 11590

Cost: $150 [Small groups, Limited seating ]

Register with Paypal  www.balanceandpower.com/events.php

Credit Cards accepted via telephone.

  • Enhance all aspects of stress and anger management
  • Communicate more effectively
  • Be happier

Explore strategies to release anger, reduce stress and deal effectively with others. Anger and communication issues are highly affected by stress levels.

The best predictor of a positive outcome is your willingness to honestly examine and admit the consequences of your problem and actions and have the intention to change patterns. Your anger and stress impacts your relationships, health, work life and financial situation.

Questions? Contact Eileen Now for a Complimentary Telephone Consult
Ph: 516 623 4353
Email: eileen@balanceandpower.com

10% discount for Veterans and their families

Register Now Paypal:  www.balanceandpower.com/events.php

or call 516 623 4353 with credit card.

**Pre registration only through noon Thursday before date of group.

August 20: Cost: $150

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