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Archive for the ‘attitude’ Category

“The silent treatment” is the most common form of withholding and encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings, including an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.

When you are feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space and get some help…

Take time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.   If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. ~ and can take time.

Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking in safe places.  Praise those you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become.    

FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com  

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact Eileen today for a Free Consultaion.

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The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life, and can give gives you a sense of empowerment.  How to do it most effectively?

study in the Journal of Consumer Research by Professor Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt found that saying “I don’t” as opposed to “I can’t” allowed participants to extract themselves from unwanted commitments.  While “I can’t” sounds like an excuse that’s up for debate, “I don’t” implies you’ve established certain rules for yourself, suggesting conviction and stability and are more effective in getting your point across.

There are a few other ways you can get more comfortable with saying no.

It’s a lot easier to be assertive with a stranger selling you something than it is when, say, your pleading co-worker asks for a ride to the airport. Get comfortable with your assertiveness when it’s easy so you’ll be prepared when there’s more pressure.

 It’s easier to say no when you know exactly how to say it, so come up with a few anchor phrases for different situations. “No, I don’t buy from solicitors” for door-to-door salespeople, for example. “No, I don’t go out during the week” for co-workers who want to go on a drinking binge on a Monday night.

When you have these phrases ready, you don’t have to waste time wavering over an excuse. And you start to develop a reflexive behavior of saying no.

Still, sometimes we’re afraid to say no because we fear missing out. We want to take on new opportunities and adventures, so we say yes to everything instead.  But all of those yeses can lead to burnout.

It can help to understand your own long-term goals This way, you can say yes to opportunities that most reflect your values. Second, try to build free time in your schedule so there’s room for new, interesting opportunities you might otherwise overlook.

Some worry that your no might seem threatening.  Research from Columbia University found that our perceptions of our own assertiveness are often unreliable. In mock negotiations, people who thought they were adequately assertive or even over-assertive were seen by others as under-assertive. So if you feel confrontational, there’s a good chance the other party doesn’t see you that way. It’s about operating at the most optimal level.  For most of us, that means living a happier and less stressful life, which is easier to do from the driver’s seat.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others’ respect.  
Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills.  Do you need help learning assertive behavior and communication? 
FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353  one to one, group sessions in Westbury, NY. and Skype
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As a normal part of life, stress enables us to get things done. If left unmanaged, stress can lead to emotional, psychological, and even physical problems. Stress causes a disruption in the flow of vital energy through the body. These energetic imbalances can throw off the immune system or cause symptoms of pain, sleep disturbances, abnormal digestion, headaches, menstrual irregularities, aggravation of already troublesome health conditions and, over time, more serious illnesses can develop.

Stress is cumulative.  Stressful situations that last over a long period of time can create an ongoing low-level stress that puts continual pressure on the nervous system, increasing activity, and can cause the overproduction of hormones. The extra stress hormones over an extended period of time may wear out the body’s reserves, lead to fatigue, depression, a weakened immune system, and a host of serious physical and psychological ailments.

Some signs of stress overload include:

– anxiety or panic attacks
– feelings of constant pressure, hassled and hurried
– irritability and moodiness
– physical symptoms such as stomach problems, headaches, or even chest pain
– allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
– problems sleeping
– overindulgence in food, alcohol, smoking, or drugs
– sadness or depression

increased anger and impatience

Stress is often the cause of illness and the deterioration of health. Finding a release valve for your stress can help you stay healthy. According to research, stress, frustration, and unresolved anger can play an important part in throwing the immune system off and allowing pathogens to affect the body.

While it isn’t always possible to remove the external forces causing stress, the ability to effectively deal with stress is a choice. Take time for yourself to cultivate the energy you need to handle your stress more skillfully and effectively.

EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, is often described as the tapping technique and is a powerful stress reduction tool that is proving to be extremely effective in a wide variety of conditions in which stress can be a causative or aggravating factor.

Research continues to expand its evidence of effectiveness for conditions as anxiety, PTSD, phobias, suppression of cravings and more. EFT is an approach that incorporates multiples aspects of the mind and body through the stimulation of the meridian energy system that has been utilized in Chinese Medicine and acupuncture for thousands of years.


Some of the benefits that EFT deals with include:


Typically, EFT is facilitated with a practitioner for several sessions, while the individual is tapping on their own every day. EFT is especially effective when integrated with Peak Performance Success Coaching.  Clients are successfully guided to release fear and completely reverse phobias and pursue positive action!

EFT and meditation combo small group sessions in June, July in Nassau County.ebook-cover-eft

~ Eileen Lichtenstein, MS. Ed. CEO, Balance & Power, Inc  is a  Peak Performance Success Coach for Your Life & Career and a Certified Anger Management Specialist and EFT Practitioner with an office in Westbury, NY and Skype. FREE phone consult: 516 623 4353

 

 

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Productive, successful and happy people constantly set goals and work to make them happen. This gives us focus and ensures that we use our time and energy efficiently and effectively. It also provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. We know where we are going and what we want to do. Quite often, however, due to forces outside our control, things do not go as we had planned.  Life and career often calls us to be flexible – even at short notice, to reconsider our plans and priorities, sometimes in the blink of an eye.
The ability to accept what is happening and let go of original expectations is key when dealing with these unexpected turns of fate. We often have the tendency to get stuck in our heads, clinging to an idea of how we think things or relationships should go, and we can have a hard time accepting anything that doesn’t comply with that idea. The fact is that life and business is often unpredictable.Below you’ll find 8 things to do when life  – or business – throws you a curveball:

1.Don’t Overgeneralize. Just because something unexpected has temporarily knocked the wind out of you it doesn’t mean that you’ll never achieve the things that you want, or that you’re doomed to fail and struggle for the rest of your days.

2. Find Perspective. You can’t see the future. Would your life have been perfect or even better if you had gotten the contract?  Not lost the partner?  Maybe; but maybe not. What looks like a huge loss at the present could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t know yet.

3. Practice Acceptance. In his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”  Deepak Chopra explains “The Law of Least Effort”, which is basically the principle of no resistance. One component of this principle is acceptance. You can wish for things to be different in the future, but at this moment in time you have to accept things as they are.

4. Decrease Your Ego’s Involvement.  Even if you feel that you’ve been wronged, you need to stop thinking along the following lines:

§  How dare they do this to me?

§  Don’t they know who I am?

§  They’ll be sorry they did this.

This kind of thinking consumes an enormous amount of energy and doesn’t help you in any way. In “The Art of Dreaming” Don Juan tells Carlos Castaneda the following:

“Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance . . . If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to . . . catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe.”

By refusing to identify with your ego and things personally, you will be able to stop linking your sense of self to what happened.  Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements” is also a firm believer in  “Don’t Take Anything Personally” – The Second Agreement.  This will free up energy that you can then use to create better circumstances for yourself.

5. Meditate. When you’re stressed, fearful, angry, or anxious—which are feelings that often accompany an event that has a negative impact on your life–, your brain’s rhythm increases and brain activity rises. The more stressed you become, the more rapidly your brain waves vibrate. Meditating slows down your brain’s rhythm, which is conducive to a relaxed state of mind which allows you to generate alternatives, see opportunities, and come up with creative solutions. That is, meditating will help put you in a more resourceful state of mind.

6. Shift Your Focus To the Positive. Instead of dwelling on your loss, shift your focus to the good things that are still in your life.  If you have your health and a good head on your shoulders you have a lot to be grateful for. Focus on that.

7. Focus on the Future. The curveball you were thrown probably set your goals off track.  It makes sense to set new career goals for yourself and start moving toward the new destination that you’ve set for yourself.

8. Focus on What You Can Control. One of the reasons why being thrown a curveball is so incredibly painful is because it makes you feel like you have no control over what happens to you. After all, you did everything right. But the “right” results didn’t materialize, in spite of your efforts and there’s little that you can do about it. Therefore, turn your focus to things you can control and possibly new skills or contacts that will help in reaching your new goals. Whenever you feel helpless or victimized because of something that has happened to you, turn your attention to the things that you can change, or the things that you can do. By doing what you can, with what you have, where you are, you’ll gradually begin to feel like you’re back in control of your life.

Being open with goals and yet unattached to outcome can be difficult to achieve.  I have found this to take much practice –and have always been better at it- and anything, while being centered and grounded.  Next time a curveball comes my way, I will take a deep breath and open my mind to a new opportunity! My hope dear reader, is that you will as well!  I help many to get past curved balls and move on.

FREE PHONE CONSULT   516 623 4353        www.balanceandpower.com ebook-cover-stress-web: 516

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The dictionary does not tell us how to accelerate the resilience process, it only defines it:

1.  “springing back into shape, position, etc. after being stretched, bent or compressed.”

2.  “recovering strength, spirits, etc. quickly.”

Being resilient in body, mind and spirit is key  to being happy and successful in all areas of life.  Emotionally, it’s the opposite of being “stuck in a rut” and it’s about being positive.  Physically, it can translate to strength and flexibility. Spiritually it can indicate faith with the ability to maintain hope in tumultuous times.  It’s about staying centered and grounded and making “right” choices.

So, you may be asking yourself, how does one maintain emotional-spiritual equilibrium and resiliency when things can be unpredictable and often in crisis mode? How can we accelerate the resilience process?  It’s not easy, and takes some work. It’s easy to create positive patterns and habits when life is going smoothly.  It can be quite challenging while being swept away by negative forces.  A good mentor/coach and practice is important, and the practice will create a “spill-over” effect into life situations.

Many people, including myself, have learned how to be more resilient.  There are skill sets of meditation, relaxation breathing, visualization and “tapping” (EFT- Emotional Freedom Techniques) that all add into helping an individual maintain focus and be positive. Exercising, eating healthfully and being in healthy relationships are naturally fortifying. Most people are not born resilient, but do have the capacity to learn how to be this way.  Here are a few tips to accelerate the process:
• Think of possibilities from different perspectives.
• Stop talking in absolutes. Eliminate the words nothing and never from self talk.
• Set specific goals that are attainable.
• When you are feeling down due to personal circumstances, take stock of your strengths.
• Lower the stakes, not the standards: Don’t have your whole life riding on the outcome of one event
• Savor small triumphs, steps leading to the bigger picture.
• Set aside self blame and learn from your mistakes.
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Do not read, watch or listen to the news if you become “too upset”.
• Take a few minutes each day to reflect on your feelings.
• Cultivate generosity and gratitude.
You are the only one who can control your attitude. By focusing on what is strong and enduring and seeing your potential, you can take calculated risks and overcome challenges. It takes an open, creative mind free from anxiety to pick up on opportunities. They are out there ready to be accessed by your positive and resilient radar!

Author of “SOAR! with Resilience”, Eileen Lichtenstein, MS.ED.,EFT-ADV is President of www.balanceandpower.com.  She offers complimentary coaching consultations via telephone and Skype and  empowers individuals and groups to facilitate optimal levels of productivity and happiness. Contact Eileen: eileen@balanceandpower.com 516 623 4353

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 To be successful, you need to have a positive mental attitude, or PMA.
We need to continually feed our  mind with positive thoughts to create success.
Creating this sort of attitude could be one of your most important habits that you end up incorporating on a daily basis!  Most successful people have experienced failure and are resilient – pick themselves up and start over or continue.
 When you constantly strive to become a better person, refine your skill set and invest in your future daily, you become more as an individual. When you become more as an individual, your value increases.  The more your value increases, the more successful you will become.  Make PMA your #1 habit!
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Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

  • “What am I grateful for?” Just asking -searching helps; you don’t need answers!
  • Label -name negative emotions. Your brain isn’t so bothered  when you name it.
  • Decide. No perfectionist thinking – good enough usually is!
  • Hugs, hugs, hugs.  Research shows getting five hugs a day for four weeks increases happiness big time.

Everything is interconnected:

  • Gratitude improves sleep.
  • Sleep reduces pain.
  • Reduced pain improves your mood.
  • Improved mood reduces anxiety.
  • Reduced anxiety improves focus and planning.
  • Focus and planning help with decision making.
  • Decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment.
  • Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for!
  • Enjoyment also makes it more likely you’ll exercise and be social, which, in turn, will make you happier.

6 week online course!! Register here!

Need help taking action and creating new patterns? FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 

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