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Archive for the ‘assertive’ Category

“The silent treatment” is the most common form of withholding and encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings, including an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma. Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and understanding.

When you are feeling ignored, disrespected, or shut out, remember if this is happening to you is that you are not to blame. You are caught in someone else’s pain pattern. This person does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain. They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space and get some help…

Take time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation, you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior pattern.   If, on the other hand, it is you that tends to withhold, understand that this is a learned response and it can be unlearned. ~ and can take time.

Find safe places to begin to express all that you’ve been holding back. Begin to make an effort to say what you’re feeling and thinking in safe places.  Praise those you love. The more you do this, the healthier you and your relationships will become.    

FREE consult: 516623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com  

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact Eileen today for a Free Consultaion.

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The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life, and can give gives you a sense of empowerment.  How to do it most effectively?

study in the Journal of Consumer Research by Professor Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt found that saying “I don’t” as opposed to “I can’t” allowed participants to extract themselves from unwanted commitments.  While “I can’t” sounds like an excuse that’s up for debate, “I don’t” implies you’ve established certain rules for yourself, suggesting conviction and stability and are more effective in getting your point across.

There are a few other ways you can get more comfortable with saying no.

It’s a lot easier to be assertive with a stranger selling you something than it is when, say, your pleading co-worker asks for a ride to the airport. Get comfortable with your assertiveness when it’s easy so you’ll be prepared when there’s more pressure.

 It’s easier to say no when you know exactly how to say it, so come up with a few anchor phrases for different situations. “No, I don’t buy from solicitors” for door-to-door salespeople, for example. “No, I don’t go out during the week” for co-workers who want to go on a drinking binge on a Monday night.

When you have these phrases ready, you don’t have to waste time wavering over an excuse. And you start to develop a reflexive behavior of saying no.

Still, sometimes we’re afraid to say no because we fear missing out. We want to take on new opportunities and adventures, so we say yes to everything instead.  But all of those yeses can lead to burnout.

It can help to understand your own long-term goals This way, you can say yes to opportunities that most reflect your values. Second, try to build free time in your schedule so there’s room for new, interesting opportunities you might otherwise overlook.

Some worry that your no might seem threatening.  Research from Columbia University found that our perceptions of our own assertiveness are often unreliable. In mock negotiations, people who thought they were adequately assertive or even over-assertive were seen by others as under-assertive. So if you feel confrontational, there’s a good chance the other party doesn’t see you that way. It’s about operating at the most optimal level.  For most of us, that means living a happier and less stressful life, which is easier to do from the driver’s seat.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others’ respect.  
Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills.  Do you need help learning assertive behavior and communication? 
FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353  one to one, group sessions in Westbury, NY. and Skype
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Affirmations to Release Shame – Fear – Negativity – Stress – Anger and to EMPOWER

I see life as a process ever unfolding
I release my fear and resistance to change as appropriate
I release and forgive everyone who didn’t support my changes
I release and heal all the changes that caused me pain
I forgive myself for making changes that didn’t work
I forgive myself for not making changes that would have worked
I dissolve all past agreements that no longer serve me
I create new agreements that serve my new directions
I release all distress and worry
I release all negative thoughts and feelings
I release all fear and anxiety
I release all stress and tension
I am flexible and easygoing
I am in a state of ease and flow
I am relaxed and calm
I am serene and peaceful

I control my responses to stressful situations

I dissolve negative responses to stressful situations
I respond to stressful situations in healthy and healing ways
I replace stress with calming thoughts
I replace stress with peaceful feelings
I replace stress with healthy habits
I am at peace whether or not I am in control
I am tranquil whether or not I know the future
I am calm whether or not things are going my way
I face every situation clear, free and unafraid
I am now willing to move beyond my past
I release and forgive who I have been in the past
I release and forgive each person for who they have been in my past
I grieve for my past as appropriate
I am safe and protected when I acknowledge all things in my life
I process my anger in healthy and healing ways
I release my depression quickly in grace
I move to acceptance in powerful new ways
I release my past and live in my present
I release and forgive everyone who created chaos in my life
I forgive myself for creating chaos
I have faith in my future and  myself
I move boldly forward with complete trust and faith
I dissolve all blocks to communicating clearly
I speak up for myself at the right times about the right things
I release and forgive everyone who put me down when I spoke up
I increase in assertiveness daily
I say what I mean and I mean what I say

I dissolve my aggressive characteristics as appropriate
I increase in effective listening daily
I am open and honest about my feelings and express them well
I recognize and acknowledge when I am feeling anger
I dissolve all confusion around what I want and need
I am honest about what I want and need and I ask for it simply and clearly
I forgive everyone  (to some extent if not completely) who didn’t meet my needs
I take responsibility for my own needs
I make meaningful agreements and I keep them
I set appropriate limits and boundaries and I keep them
I put my needs first as appropriate
I ask for what I want and need simply and clearly
I balance my needs with the needs of others in perfect ways
I make meaningful agreements and I keep them
I accept myself completely without qualifiers
I have a solid sense of self-identity
I find deep inner peace with myself as I am
All my false images of myself from the past are dissolved
I love and accept all parts of myself
I love and accept all of my thoughts and feelings
I have positive self-esteem apart from others thoughts and criticisms
I love and approve myself without pleasing others
I accept, honor and value myself completely as I am, though I recognize areas for improvement.

I maintain my self-confidence in all times and places

I forgive myself for any and all past mistakes
I dissolve all fear around making mistakes
My self-confidence is in who I am not what I do
I move forward, feeling self-confidence every step of the way
I open my heart to allow love in at all times
I reclaim my childlike ability to love without fear
I dissolve all guard and shields I have around my heart
I surround myself with people with open, loving hearts
I accept myself completely as an imperfect person
I recognize criticism for what it is and I acknowledge it
Being criticized and feeling attacked and inadequate are separate for me now
I am assertive and clear when I handle criticism
I remain calm, centered and balanced while I handle criticism

FREE PHONE CONSULT: www.balanceandpower.com  

516 623 4353

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There is no reason to let a difficult person or situation have power over your state of being. Sometimes we encounter those individuals who, for whatever reason, can be difficult to deal with.  The behavior/words of difficult people can even make you feel like losing your temper.  Keeping your cool and staying calm is important, especially if/when you are ready to confront them.

Avoiding a difficult person is not always in your best interest, especially if you live or work together, this can become a source of stress and anxiety. In these situations, it is best to kindly address the problem while not letting their actions or mood affect you. You may want to think about what you want to say to a difficult person before you actually talk to them to express your feelings directly, ie: tell the person how their actions/words make you feel (without taking on the role of a victim) and when possible encourage them toward a more positive course of action. Another approach for dealing with a difficult individual is to gain a deeper understanding of who that person is by asking them why they do or say certain things, and perhaps guide them to a shift in perspective.

Often a lot can be accomplished when you take the time to listen actively and perhaps offer up alternative perspectives.  Try to approach the conversation objectively without being judgmental or defensive. If the person is open to the idea, try coming to an agreement. If approaching them fails, let it go and move on. When this is impossible to do it’s important to find help and get support.

Relationship coaching is intended to help people in any relationship such as married couples, unmarried couples, family members or co-workers. A relationship is always, like our lives, in a state of movement and change. A relationship coach helps you maximize that change in a positive way, places you more in control of it and of how you feel. Looking at events and what a person says in a different way, creating a new perspective or re-framing can help you reconnect with the positive aspects in a relationship and empower you to let go of the old patterns and perhaps, the relationship.

Download The 10 Tips to Building a Strong Relationship (pdf)

Contact me today for a Free 1:1 Consultation and for interactive workshops-trainings www.balanceandpower.com  516 623 4353

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DeStress Tips III by Eileen Lichtenstein, CEO www.balanceandpower.com 

~Want to discuss any of these, or need help,? Call me for a FREE PHONE CONSULT: 516 623 4353~

DeStress Tip: Honor your boundaries and say no~ ow.ly/xgBS5

DeStress Tip: Hold Hope ow.ly/xgBaV fb.me/346z3XGXc

DeStress Tip: Inner strength and being centered are keys to life and business success! ow.ly/xgCsZ fb.me/2d1K8H98k

DeStress Tip: Be fearless!~! ow.ly/xgBmd fb.me/31nXwCSsV

DeStress Tip: Disconnect from technology, from work related stuff for an hour, a half day, weekend, week… fb.me/6TIlRfRqR

DeStress Tip: Stop second guessing! ow.ly/xgAwD fb.me/2OBt465UV

DeStress Tip: See the whole chessboard when u play chess! ie: Don’t lose your temp[er on the road!~… fb.me/455zqB7Nu

DeStress Tip: “Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that… fb.me/2UDm0FAhQ

DeStress Tip: Get in front of a mirror and practice smiling. While working your grin, take a minute to… fb.me/3C1AWxonO

DeStress Tip: Stop negative self talk. Switch the thoughts of negativity to positive mantras, such as “I am a strong woman (man)!”

DeStress Tip: Write down five things that you are proud about and stick the list in your wallet to pull out to… fb.me/3h1nJWuiQ

DeStress Tip: Emotional eating-stress a vicious cycle. You have the power to stop it! ow.ly/xf4Pc fb.me/3sk80z8Oj

DeStress Tip: Listen well instead of reacting in anger. ow.ly/xf4uBfb.me/1b10oe99r

DeStress Tip: Be grateful always!! It’s more important ever on this day of rememberance- ow.ly/xf4Iv fb.me/35VD7TKcc

DeStress Tip: Make your Goals Realistic & Reachable! ow.ly/wXQAXfb.me/3tNCZ4vY1

DeStress Tip: Exercise! Ditching exercise for a more sedentary way of life can have an overall negative effect on… fb.me/3imdJ7YUT

DeStress Tip: Exercise and you will feel better about yourself and the more likely you are to live a healthy… fb.me/3tuGlB7S1

De-Stress Tip: Stop emotional eating! Feel confident, healthy & in control. 🙂ow.ly/wXPWj fb.me/18dYfHsOH

DeStress Tip: If you are able to take a step back and laugh at yourself and the absurdity of life every now and then, things won’t seem…

DeStress Tip: Regardless of the outcome, following through boosts confidence and reassures us that when all is… fb.me/3ILcRMkSn

DeStress Tip: We need the action/practice component for ultimate productivity powerful positive language to become a happy habit!…

DeStress Tip: Making and sticking to a decision is a source of happiness because it gives you a sense of control, of efficacy.

DeStress Tip: Laugh More!: A small child typically laughs more than four hundred times a day, and an adult-… fb.me/2SuM58kiI

DeStress Tip: Acting in an outgoing, talkative, adventurous or assertive way makes people- even introverts-feel… fb.me/3ShSe4ZAe

DeStress Tip: Happier people are more interested in social problems. They do more volunteer work and contribute. fb.me/1tKKZilEF

DeStress Tip: Did you know that the brain is stimulated by surprise?ow.ly/wHgMO fb.me/2BGHJEHj9

DeStress Tip:  8 Tips for Feeling Happier wp.me/poyvn-PN

DeStress Tip: Self-love is the one most important thing to create your best life. ow.ly/wHgyM fb.me/2nJvGczED

DeStress Tip: Focus is a skill you can develop. Do you know you can rewire negative patterns??
ow.ly/wHghi

DeStress Tip: 10 Tips to Stop Self-Sabotage fb.me/1iORMVSRd

DeStress Tip: Transition = Opportunities ow.ly/ws5oa

DeStress Tip: Perfectionism is the enemy of creativity and productivity. You don’t even have to be creating… fb.me/6LtLacATj

De-Stress Tip: “Progress always involves risk. You can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.” – Bob… fb.me/6TjurOU0a

DeStress Tip: A great appreciation of nature and our connection to it enhances our spirit and helps to connect us… fb.me/3rBKOuWdn

DeStress Tip: Meditating can help develop the art of patience.

DeStress Tip: Patience means allowing things to unfold at their own speed rather than jumping in with your… fb.me/1bz1T3ZuL

DeStress Tip: Take time to access what you have in front of you, take a break and re-evaluate. ow.ly/wdrSX

DeStress Tip:  Stop Smoking with EFT! ow.ly/wdt0u

DeStress Tip: Studies show that expressing anger only aggravates it.

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by Eileen Lichtenstein


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