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Archive for the ‘anger’ Category

Anger is a natural human emotion.  “Is my anger working for me?” is a question you can ask yourself.  When anger is mild and infrequent,  is expressed assertively (directly to the problem person, in a non-accusatory manner) and without aggression, and the individual is able to “let it go” quickly, then anger may serve the role of simply highlighting your annoyance and it can lead to problem resolution.

anger management Wantaghanger management Wantagh

However, if your anger is moderate to intense, experienced frequently, endures to the point where you are holding a grudge and are planning to get even, and is expressed in aggressive verbal and physical actions, then there is cause for alarm. You are likely at risk for the negative relationship, health and sometimes legal repercussions related to inappropriate anger expression.  Professional help is indicated.

A by-product of an unacceptably angry person is low self-esteem and often shame.
Anger management programs work to address managing anger as well as building self-confidence.  Recently there have been six large-scale analyses of adult anger management programs that show this!  If you,  a loved one or colleague has a serious anger problem and wishes to gain control over the emotion, I invite you Contact me for a 15-minute consult: 516 623 4353   www.balanceandpower.com 

My sessions are in Uniondale, NY, Skype and on your site.

I am a Certified Anger Management Specialist by NAMA (National Anger Management Association), life-career coach and EFT practitioner.

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Gratitude has been getting a lot of press in self-help/development curriculums because it is essential to acknowledge personal gratefuluness in several categories to help up your forgivess quotient and helps transition you into the happiness realm! Try this: Sit back, close your eyes and visualize everything you are grateful for including several of these categories:

  • personal attributes and abilities
  • people in your life
  • material things in your life
  • a lifestyle
  • environment

Let it free flow and then write them down in columns.  Review this whenever you are feeling down, first thing in the morning and before bed.

Gratitude, Forgiveness, Happiness and Stress, Anger, Depression  

Forgiveness of one’s self for wrong doings and poor attitudes is necessary before you can forgive others, as loving oneself must happen before you are able to love others.    Forgiveness of heinous crimes is not possible for most people and not necessary. You do not need to let go of 100% anger/guilt to let go and move on.  Try forgiving a percentage, and “work on it” through EFT,  guided imagery and de-sensitization techniques, hypnosis, life coaching  to get the percentage higher.  It can be helpful in acknowledging that those in question may have been doing the best they knew how or were capable of (due to personal history, mental capacity, mental illness).

Depression is almost always  supressed, repressed, not communicated (or communicated partially) anger, with or without genetic tendencies.Balance and Power - Eileen Lichtenstein - HALF

Anger expressed at over-the-top levels results in socially unacceptable aggressive behavior that steps over physical and/or emotional  boundaries (hitting-pushing-punching-pulling, property damage including throwing things, slamming doors and name calling, cursing-yelling. Health related symptoms of high anger and stress levels include high blood pressure, headaches, racing pulse, difficulty breathing, tight muscles.

Stress levels elevate when feeling out of control or “overwhelmed” and may cause someone to exhibit angrily acting out or be irritable.  The flip side is a depressive episode.

It is important to remember that human beings are not perfect and we all “mess-up” at times.  If you or someone you are close to  experience any of the above on an ongoing basis or regularly, it is time to get help!  Often learning simple coping strategies and techniques as well as how to  communicate effectively is all you need to do- in conjunction with a practitioner you feel comfortable with and can create a trusting relationship with.

I am a certified Anger Management Specialist, EFT Practitioner, Peak Performance Success Coach and (former) biofeedback  practitioner (this training includes relaxation techniques, de-sensitization techniques, guided imagery and self-trance).  I work with individuals and groups  via telephone, skype and face to face in Wantagh, Long Island  and go on site for corporate and organizational trainings.  Currently, a hot topic (unfortunately) is Workplace Bullying.

FREE PHONE CONSULT 516 623 4353   www.balanceandpower.com 

 

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This article is adapted from the Nikkei Asian Review and found in NAMA (National Anger Management Association, my certifying organization) Newsletter JUNE 2018 

You may contact me for a complimentary consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 

Japan programs

TOKYO — Aware that they may become irritated too often amid the demanding duties of work, household chores and child care, a growing number of Japanese women are seeking ways to relax and be more kind by participating in seminars focusing on a serene mind.

At an introductory anger management seminar on a January weekend in Tokyo, participants were reminded that a fit of anger actually does not last very long, and that knowing this goes a long way in suppressing vitriol.

“The peak of anger lasts six seconds at most. So you want to deal [with your anger] after you know you’re past that peak,” Kyoko Mabashi told the participants.

The anger management movement, which started in the U.S. in the 1970s, aims to teach people how to manage anger in a positive way when necessary while suppressing the emotion when there is no need to fume.

The movement has grown quickly in Japan in the past few years. According to the Japan Anger Management Association (Japan Chapter of NAMA), participants in its seminars has totaled over 180,000.

“Biologically speaking, men are more prone to anger, and that’s why anger management seminars are basically for men in the U.S.,” said Shunsuke Ando, head of the association. “But in Japan, many participants are women in their 30s and 40s.” Currently, about 60% of the participants are women, he added.

According to a survey by the Institute of Statistical Mathematics in Tokyo, about 70% of female respondents in their 20s to 40s said they had felt irritated in the past month, far exceeding the ratio for men.

“The Japanese share a very similar set of values, which can be both good and bad. But our values are fast diversifying, including on attitudes toward work,” Ando said. “This has made it more likely for different values to clash, which can lead to anger.”

Thinking about what you are thinking about

Mindfulness seminars are also becoming popular.

“I know I want to be kind to people every day, but I find it hard to do so,” said a 52-year-old female Tokyo resident participating in a mindfulness seminar in the metropolis in late January. “I think my body has become stronger through training, but I think my mind still remains weak.”

Mindfulness uses meditation to help one cultivate the discipline to stop and look at oneself and what is happening around them. At the seminar, Ikuko Yamaguchi, a member of the Japanese Association of Mindfulness, which organized the event, instructed the participants, “Distracting thoughts may pop into your head, but just watch yourself having such thoughts.”

It was 8 p.m., and the room was so quiet that participants’ breathing was audible.

The ratio of men and women taking part in the association’s seminars is about equally split, Yamaguchi said.

“In terms of female participants, we’re seeing a growing number of individuals in their 30s and 40s who have limited time for themselves due to the daily grind of work and child care,” she added.

Mindfulness has recently been in the spotlight after Google introduced an internal training program on it. In Japan, it has grown in popularity quickly as it found its way into corporate training programs and yoga studios.

This article is adapted from the Nikkei Asian Review 

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It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. Perhaps expectations are not met, or relationships fail and we grieve for the loss.  Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass.
Anger and resentment must fade or will be transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

Being bitter is, in essence,  cutting ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter,  the veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.
Letting go of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations.  Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only one truly affected by your emotional state.  Letting go of bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve.

 Need help with “letting go”? : Free consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 

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I’m talking to parents, older siblings, grandparents, teachers, business managers/ceo’s and politicians.  court mandated parenting classes long island NY

We are each leaders, even if (now) your domain is simply your home.  Do you curse? Smile enough?  Speak and act assertively? Listen actively? Demonstrate good time skills? Step away from devices on a regular basis? Mindful and considerate of others in household, office, neighbors?

My clients often see me for help with #angermanagementstrategies and/or #parenting skills.  How you cope with #stress, #frustration and #anger impacts directly on #communication, #relationships and your #patience quota.

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Yes, when you feel bullied or “unfairly” attacked emotionally – verbally it is usually difficult to respond without anger or to walk away and release. Reacting with anger adds fuel to the fire and it’s best to leave and release – even if it’s temporary it interrupts the stress-adrenaline -cortisol cycle and hopefully can allow you to act responsibly and let go instead of actions that you may very well regret.  It can be helpful to realize the other’s thoughts-words-actions may have nothing to do with you! even though it seems that way.

When you leave the scent taking a few deep breaths, doing tapping EFT, taking a walk are all activities that help to feel better and regain personal energy balance.

I’ve helped many clients with this challenge in my Westbury, NY office and Skype as well as larger groups onsite and webinars.

Call me for a FREE consult: 516 623 4353  www.balanceandpower.com 

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The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life, and can give gives you a sense of empowerment.  How to do it most effectively?

study in the Journal of Consumer Research by Professor Patrick and Henrik Hagtvedt found that saying “I don’t” as opposed to “I can’t” allowed participants to extract themselves from unwanted commitments.  While “I can’t” sounds like an excuse that’s up for debate, “I don’t” implies you’ve established certain rules for yourself, suggesting conviction and stability and are more effective in getting your point across.

There are a few other ways you can get more comfortable with saying no.

It’s a lot easier to be assertive with a stranger selling you something than it is when, say, your pleading co-worker asks for a ride to the airport. Get comfortable with your assertiveness when it’s easy so you’ll be prepared when there’s more pressure.

 It’s easier to say no when you know exactly how to say it, so come up with a few anchor phrases for different situations. “No, I don’t buy from solicitors” for door-to-door salespeople, for example. “No, I don’t go out during the week” for co-workers who want to go on a drinking binge on a Monday night.

When you have these phrases ready, you don’t have to waste time wavering over an excuse. And you start to develop a reflexive behavior of saying no.

Still, sometimes we’re afraid to say no because we fear missing out. We want to take on new opportunities and adventures, so we say yes to everything instead.  But all of those yeses can lead to burnout.

It can help to understand your own long-term goals This way, you can say yes to opportunities that most reflect your values. Second, try to build free time in your schedule so there’s room for new, interesting opportunities you might otherwise overlook.

Some worry that your no might seem threatening.  Research from Columbia University found that our perceptions of our own assertiveness are often unreliable. In mock negotiations, people who thought they were adequately assertive or even over-assertive were seen by others as under-assertive. So if you feel confrontational, there’s a good chance the other party doesn’t see you that way. It’s about operating at the most optimal level.  For most of us, that means living a happier and less stressful life, which is easier to do from the driver’s seat.

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and earn others’ respect.  
Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills.  Do you need help learning assertive behavior and communication? 
FREE CONSULT: 516 623 4353  one to one, group sessions in Uniondale, NY. and Skype
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