|Productive, successful and happy people constantly set goals and work to make them happen. This gives us focus and ensures that we use our time and energy efficiently and effectively. It also provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. We know where we are going and what we want to do. Quite often, however, due to forces outside our control, things do not go as we had planned. Life and career often calls us to be flexible – even at short notice, to reconsider our plans and priorities, sometimes in the blink of an eye.
The ability to accept what is happening and let go of original expectations is key when dealing with these unexpected turns of fate. We often have the tendency to get stuck in our heads, clinging to an idea of how we think things or relationships should go, and we can have a hard time accepting anything that doesn’t comply with that idea. The fact is that life and business is often unpredictable.Below you’ll find 8 things to do when life – or business – throws you a curveball:
1.Don’t Overgeneralize. Just because something unexpected has temporarily knocked the wind out of you it doesn’t mean that you’ll never achieve the things that you want, or that you’re doomed to fail and struggle for the rest of your days.
2. Find Perspective. You can’t see the future. Would your life have been perfect or even better if you had gotten the contract? Not lost the partner? Maybe; but maybe not. What looks like a huge loss at the present could be a blessing in disguise. You don’t know yet.
3. Practice Acceptance. In his book “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” Deepak Chopra explains “The Law of Least Effort”, which is basically the principle of no resistance. One component of this principle is acceptance. You can wish for things to be different in the future, but at this moment in time you have to accept things as they are.
4. Decrease Your Ego’s Involvement. Even if you feel that you’ve been wronged, you need to stop thinking along the following lines:
§ How dare they do this to me?
§ Don’t they know who I am?
§ They’ll be sorry they did this.
This kind of thinking consumes an enormous amount of energy and doesn’t help you in any way. In “The Art of Dreaming” Don Juan tells Carlos Castaneda the following:
“Most of our energy goes into upholding our importance . . . If we were capable of losing some of that importance, two extraordinary things would happen to us. One, we would free our energy from trying to maintain the illusory idea of our grandeur; and two, we would provide ourselves with enough energy to . . . catch a glimpse of the actual grandeur of the universe.”
By refusing to identify with your ego and things personally, you will be able to stop linking your sense of self to what happened. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements” is also a firm believer in “Don’t Take Anything Personally” – The Second Agreement. This will free up energy that you can then use to create better circumstances for yourself.
5. Meditate. When you’re stressed, fearful, angry, or anxious—which are feelings that often accompany an event that has a negative impact on your life–, your brain’s rhythm increases and brain activity rises. The more stressed you become, the more rapidly your brain waves vibrate. Meditating slows down your brain’s rhythm, which is conducive to a relaxed state of mind which allows you to generate alternatives, see opportunities, and come up with creative solutions. That is, meditating will help put you in a more resourceful state of mind.
6. Shift Your Focus To the Positive. Instead of dwelling on your loss, shift your focus to the good things that are still in your life. If you have your health and a good head on your shoulders you have a lot to be grateful for. Focus on that.
7. Focus on the Future. The curveball you were thrown probably set your goals off track. It makes sense to set new career goals for yourself and start moving toward the new destination that you’ve set for yourself.
8. Focus on What You Can Control. One of the reasons why being thrown a curveball is so incredibly painful is because it makes you feel like you have no control over what happens to you. After all, you did everything right. But the “right” results didn’t materialize, in spite of your efforts and there’s little that you can do about it. Therefore, turn your focus to things you can control and possibly new skills or contacts that will help in reaching your new goals. Whenever you feel helpless or victimized because of something that has happened to you, turn your attention to the things that you can change, or the things that you can do. By doing what you can, with what you have, where you are, you’ll gradually begin to feel like you’re back in control of your life.
Being open with goals and yet unattached to outcome can be difficult to achieve. I have found this to take much practice –and have always been better at it- and anything, while being centered and grounded. Next time a curveball comes my way, I will take a deep breath and open my mind to a new opportunity! My hope dear reader, is that you will as well! I help many to get past curved balls and move on.
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Archive for the ‘affirmative self talk’ Category
Posted in affirmative self talk, anger, empowering affirmations, empowerment, self esteem, stress management, stress reduction, stress resilience, Uncategorized, tagged anger, empowering affirmations, stress management, stress reduction on December 23, 2016| 2 Comments »
Affirmations have been shown to improve education, health and relationship outcomes, with benefits that sometimes persist for months and years. Here are some I’ve created; what are yours?
I am passionate about my goals.
My passion drives me forward to live the life of my dreams.
I know what I want in life and I set goals to get me there. I know that each goal I achieve brings me in union with what I desire.
Meeting a goal, no matter how big or small, strengthens my confidence and self-esteem.
Setting and achieving goals is a never-ending circle of positivity that fuels my passion even more.
My passion enables my success. I use tools to ignite and refuel my passion on a daily basis, even when I face challenges that try to smother it.
My tools include affirmations to transform negative thoughts into positive ones, meditation to relax and rejuvenate my energy, and notes and pictures to inspire and remind me of my goals.
Today, I choose to feel inspired by my passions and let the excitement propel me forward to achieve my goals, regardless of any challenges that may arise
People notice their anger levels lowering when feelings of empowerment and self esteem rise. It feels great knowing you are “in charge” of your response; the opposite of feeling “overwhelmed” or highly stressed, which contributes to high levels of frustration and can easily lead to anger. Anger is a natural human emotion – we all get angry- and that’s okay- it’s about coping with it before it becomes inappropriate. Learning to how to be more flexible in how we deal with the frustrations and stresses of our lives has many advantages. Stress and anger are not good to our immune system and can cause conditions and disease. Effective relationships are based on good communication without inappropriate anger coming through; a feeling of empowerment from the communicator is necessary for that to occur.
We’ve all heard people say “My friends tell me I am just too hard on myself”, ”I’m such a loser”, or “I’m so stupid to make these mistakes.” This negative self-talk can and needs to be turned around to eradicate feelings of shame, which may stem from childhood- perhaps a parent, teacher or peers saying these negative statements. An important tool in dealing with angry feelings and growing feelings of empowerment is that of eliminating that negative conversation with yourself. An alternate response when someone “puts you down” is not to take it personally – difficult to do and very attainable. It takes conscious effort and practice. Don Miguel Ruiz discusses this strategy in his self-help book “The Four Agreements”.
Holding a grudge, against another or yourself, is letting the offender (or your “dark side”) live rent free in your head. Making the decision to “let go” (while still creating a protective shield/filter for ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control, increased self-esteem and empowerment.
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If you’re finding it difficult to stay cheerful and optimistic right now, for the next week, and beyond:
- Limit your exposure to campaign polls and news.Unless your job requires you to keep up with every new development, TURN OFF THE TV! Turn off news alerts on all your electronic devices. Resist checking for updates every time you have a pause in your daily activities.
Over-exposure to the constant details is exhausting and frustrating, and triggers feelings of fear, powerlessness, anxiety and anger.
- Exercise the power you have to influence the outcome in the voting booth, then continue to take good care of yourself after November 8th, minimizing your anger, frustration and fear since the sensationalistic news is likely to continue.
- Throughout the day say a Personal Mantra-Affirmation while deep breathing, such as, “Breathe in calm, exhale release anger, fear, anxiety Take long, slow, deep breaths and focus on clearing your mind and letting your body relax.
Practice putting aside thoughts about politics for a while. Find a version of meditation that works for you. Simply sit on a cushion or comfotable chair-sofa and practice traditional meditation, or simply take a quiet walk and focus on the beauty of nature.
Focus on something of intrinsic beauty or value, without using any words. This is an excellent antidote to prolonged absorption and analysis of stressful and upsetting matters.
Get a massage, listen to music, play sports…any activity that allows you to release pent-up stress.
- Seek out people who can provide care and support for you, and activities that are restorative, relaxing and have a quieting effect on your thoughts.
- Give yourself permission to set real emotional boundaries. You can choose limit conversations about the campaign and to walk away from conversations that feel too intense or upsetting. You can ask friends and family to change the subject.
Before sharing your thoughts and opinions on the candidates, ASK if the other person wants to hear it. It’s upsetting when anyone shares an opinion no one really wants or needs to hear.
Remember, this campaign will end soon, and the country will heal from all the negativity and rhetoric we’ve been subjected to. Breathe!
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Changing the way you think is the most useful and powerful anti-anxiety strategy.
Here’s how you can do this – by yourself or with a coach or mental health practitioner:
1) notice what you are saying to yourself
2) disrupt and displace the self-talk that makes you anxious or does not serve you
3) substitute more affirmative, positive or useful self-talk.
4) learn and practice EFT with a qualified practioner/coach
This four-step process really works if you will practice it and commit to it.
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“When you change the way you look at things the things you look at will change.”
– Wayne Dyer