People notice their anger levels lowering when feelings of empowerment and self esteem rise. It feels great knowing you are “in charge” of your response; the opposite of feeling “overwhelmed” or highly stressed, which contributes to high levels of frustration and can easily lead to anger. Anger is a natural human emotion – we all get angry- and that’s okay- it’s about coping with it before it becomes inappropriate. Learning to how to be more flexible in how we deal with the frustrations and stresses of our lives has many advantages. Stress and anger are not good to our immune system and can cause conditions and disease. Effective relationships are based on good communication without inappropriate anger coming through; a feeling of empowerment from the communicator is necessary for that to occur.
We’ve all heard people say “My friends tell me I am just too hard on myself”, ”I’m such a loser”, or “I’m so stupid to make these mistakes.” This negative self-talk can and needs to be turned around to eradicate feelings of shame, which may stem from childhood- perhaps a parent, teacher or peers saying these negative statements. An important tool in dealing with angry feelings and growing feelings of empowerment is that of eliminating that negative conversation with yourself. An alternate response when someone “puts you down” is not to take it personally – difficult to do and very attainable. It takes conscious effort and practice. Don Miguel Ruiz discusses this strategy in his self-help book “The Four Agreements”.
Holding a grudge, against another or yourself, is letting the offender (or your “dark side”) live rent free in your head. Making the decision to “let go” (while still creating a protective shield/filter for ourselves) is often a process of forgiveness—or at least acceptance—and is a major step toward anger control, increased self-esteem and empowerment.
Related blog: A Success Formula that Works