We cannot deny our emotions as they are part of what makes us human. However, we can change the patterns, triggers and ways that we express them. We are not the victim of our emotions. There are patterns to every emotion that, if we can identify them, we can interrupt the pattern and change our behavior with EFT before it causes extreme damage in relationship or to society.
We each have a pattern of anger. Some of us express it when it is still small. Some push it down so deep, too scared to express it, and experience it as disease. And some bottle it up until it bursts like a volcano surprising everyone with the intensity. These individuals sometimes do not even have a clue that anything was wrong.
I’m going to focus on the last pattern, as this is what has happened with many of my clients, or with their partners or ex’es. The latter played the victim and need help with self-esteem issues. As children, some of the angry adults had been labeled as having “a bad temper”. Let’s take a look at how this pattern of anger develops.
Sometimes the anger has been brewing throughout the day from one incident early in the day which is annoying. Another a little later on that added fuel to the fire. So when receiving one more perceived assault, even an actually minor one, anger powerfully unloads, usually misdirected. Or, perhaps, one individual is progressively “getting to” the other in a negative way by “nagging”, being judgemental, overprotective, jealous, to name a few. That keeps happening until a “last straw” is reached.
When the anger outburst prone individual takes a “time-out” to apply EFT at the first perceived slight, the first inkling of annoyance or frustration and is able to get deep into and under the anger then the anger outburst prone individual may be able to voice concerns with out the associated outburst.
Here is an EFT script that I hope will help you or a loved one as it has helped my clients change an anger pattern. First you need to start with how you feel in yourself about the anger. Start and continue tapping on the EFT tapping points while saying the phrases:
|Karate Chop:||I was so angry that I can’t accept myself. I’m disappointed in myself. I should be better than this. They didn’t deserve to be the brunt of my anger. I feel so ugly and ashamed at what I did. I don’t know if I will ever be able to change this. I feel like I have no control over my anger. I don’t know if I can ever accept myself when I can get so angry.|
|Head:||This anger feels more powerful than me|
|Eyebrows:||I don’t feel like I can control it|
|Side of Eyes:||Part of me likes the feeling of power that comes with the anger|
|Under Eyes:||Part of me is so ashamed|
|Under Nose:||I can’t really accept myself when I can get this angry|
|Chin Point:||I remember the look on their faces when I was angry|
|Collarbones:||The fear in their faces, I don’t want them to be afraid of me|
|Under Arms:||I’m so afraid that the damage done can’t be undone. I don’t know if I deserve to be free of this guilt|
|Wrist Points:||I don’t believe anyone can really love me when I have this anger within me; I can’t really love myself when I know it’s there.|
Continue to tap for a few rounds to cover everything you feel and say about and to yourself about how you behaved.
Now we will use EFT to work on the pattern around the anger.
|Karate Chop:||Even though it feels like I have no control over my anger, I choose to notice the way it develops. I have a pattern of anger than can be changed. Even though I have a habit of being angry, I choose to bring to my conscious mind the way my anger develops, so that I can heal it.|
|Head:||What is the first thing that happens in my body when I’m starting to feel angry?|
|Eyebrows:||What do I say to myself that tells me I’m getting angry?|
|Side of Eyes:||Where in my body do I notice the fire of my anger building?|
|Under Eyes:||There are a number of steps to my anger and I choose to pay attention and notice them|
|Under Nose:||What is the very first thing that happens that tells me I’m getting angry|
|Chin Point:||I give my self permission to stop a conversation when I notice the first indicators of anger so that I can do some EFT and deal with the feeling|
|Collarbones:||As I notice my anger pattern, I gain power over it|
|Under Arms:||There are a number of things that occur before my anger bursts out, and I choose to notice each of them|
|Wrist Points:||This pattern has been unconscious until now but I’m making it conscious so that I can change it.|
Notice how your anger builds helps to unravel the mystery of full blown explosions that nobody sees coming. You then have the ability to notice what is triggering your anger and clear those individual triggers. Maybe it’s a tone of voice or a look you receive which starts to get you angry. So do some tapping on the trigger e.g.
|Karate Chop:||I felt put down by their sarcastic tone of voice. I felt put down and disrespected by their tone of voice. It reminds me of being talked down to as a child. I don’t want to be talked to like that because I’m now an adult|
|Head:||Feeling talked down to like a child|
|Side of Eyes:||That tone of voice that gets me angry|
|Under Eyes:||I want to release all reference events for this trigger|
|Under Nose:||I’m clearing this trigger for my anger|
|Chin Point:||That tone of voice that still gets me angry|
|Collarbones:||I won’t let anyone talk to me that way|
|Under Arms:||I want to stand up for myself without having to get angry. I am an adult who can express myself|
|Wrist Points:||As I clear this trigger, I beginning to accept myself even more.|
There may be more than one trigger to your anger so continue to tap on each trigger that contributes to your anger pattern.
You may still have shame, guilt, and regret about what happened so here is a final round to do some more clearing.
|Karate Chop:||Even though I’m still ashamed at getting so angry, I’m beginning to accept myself. Even though I regret what I did and wish that I could go back and change things, I’m open to accepting myself and the mistakes I made as part of being human. I’m doing my best to improve my behavior, identifying patterns of anger, and clearing the triggers.|
|Head:||Remaining shame for what happened|
|Eyebrows:||Remaining regret for how I said what I did|
|Side of Eyes:||Remaining sadness at the hurt I caused|
|Under Eyes:||Remaining shame, regret, and sadness|
|Under Nose:||I choose to notice my anger patterns and diffuse them as soon as I do|
|Chin Point:||I choose to be forgiving of myself as I do my best to change my behavior|
|Collarbones:||I’m glad I know how to tap so that I can clear my anger patterns|
|Under Arms:||I’m learning to access the power within my anger and express it in constructive ways|
|Wrist Points:||I’m noticing and celebrating even the smallest of improvements in my behavior and I’m becoming even more loving and accepting of myself.|
This tapping session is an in depth exploration and release of negative feelings that are often surrounding angry outbursts. You may need further guidance; this may have only opened a door and there is still lots more to acknowledge and release, which is what EFT is about. Contact me about a complimentary consult for sessions via video skype, telephone, or face to face in Long Island or Queens, NY. I incorporate EFT into my Anger-Stress Management Groupsat several locations in Long Island and Queens.